*Cracked Pots*

In the absence of time to frame my own words, I have borrowed some.

"An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water..Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?''That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'"

Being quite cerebral I have devoted a lot of my thinking time to cataloguing my many cracks / flaws / what have you. This evening being one of them. So when I got an email with these words it struck a chord. Like myself and the cracked pot we all have flaws, thorns in our flesh, cracks that we try to cement over... We just need to realise that our strengths and our flaws are all working together to produce beautiful flowers (however long it takes the flowers to blossom).

Xoxo.

The Emperors New Clothes

Lagos is the home of EFEEZY. EFEEEZY on crack even. And unfortunately I have to call my own people out here, us Yoruba’s are the worst for this. Our domestic product is “O wa mbe”. The literal translation for none Yoruba speakers is – “It is there” – i.e. That’s where the party’s at, that’s where all the happening people are at, and if you aint there then you just aint hip. This culture of Owambe has become so ingrained in the Nigerian psyche that people will go to any lengths to show that they too are ‘there’, they have arrived. I am not just talking about with parties, with life in general. It has become the norm for Nigerians to be showwwy people. We drive the flashiest cars on bad roads, wear the best clothes to shabby offices, We travel to the best places whilst our country lays in ruins. We always stand out in any crowd.

Recently I was watching an episode of the BBC documentary on Lagos, that followed the day to day life of some quite hard pressed Lagosians. The documentary (in my opinion) aimed to show the resilience of the Lagosian to overcome adversity. That was what I took away from it the first time I watched it. But the second time I watched it a few days ago what struck me was a side story of one of the workers at the dump who was quite literally scrambling for ends meet. However for his daughters 1st birthday he was insistent on throwing a massive birthday bash, and kept going on about how the whole community must respect him for that party. A few weeks back I also heard a story about a lady who lost her husband unexpectedly, he was the bread winner, and his death left the family in a very hard situation, however the wife insisted that she must throw a party far beyond her means and at the expense of the already struggling families’ future.

Whilst I understand the desire to celebrate the life of a child, or the memory of a life purloined by early death, I cannot claim to understand why we as Nigerians must go beyond our means to do so, push out the boat so far we can’t even swim out to reach it. We are so busy tooting our own horns, beating our chests, calling attention to ourselves, name dropping so people recognise us and our catalogue of achievements. We believe that if we shout enough about what we have, what we’ve done, where we’ve been, who we’ve met we will gain more respect. We parade proudly down the streets in our fictional regalia like the proverbial emperor in his new clothes seeking to be praised, acknowledged, accepted and revered.

True achievement, success, wealth (not money), happiness, and joy is silent, it whispers, its HUMBLE, it doesn’t call attention to itself, it is guided by a strong sense of values, it knows that there are many little boy’s that can see the emperors nakedness, and most importantly it does not need praise.

Somewhere along the line we (as Nigerians) have lost our values, we have placed more importance on material things, ostentatious displays, and grand facades. We need to re-route ourselves asap.

Xoxo.

p.s. Congratulations to my Absomaze cousin Dr. Eso on her graduation.

Pieces of String

Life is like a piece of string.

Different lengths, different colours, different textures, some thick, some thin. That’s what we are all like – DIFFERENT. Built to do different things, some lives are longer than others, some are like candles in the wind – blown out far too early, some people are born great, some people achieve greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them, and others are supporters of the great, No one better than the other, everyone unique, and PERFECT for their own purpose.

Imagine wrapping a birthday gift with one of those thick industrial wire chords (a string of sorts). The wrapping paper will get damaged, the gift will no longer be concealed, and not to mention it will be an eye sore. Yet we do this every day. We try to be someone that we are not, achieve the things we were not born to achieve, reach heights that are not our destinies, follow paths that are not our own, beat someone at a race that isn’t ours (I could do a 100 meter sprint quite easily, but if I attempted a marathon I would collapse after the first half mile, only air lift go fit commot me from there). We do these things either in a bid to find happiness or in an attempt to impress someone else. And the result of that is even more severe unhappiness than you started off with.

One can NEVER (and I say in no uncertain terms) be good at what someone else is meant for, you can only ever be good at what YOU are meant to do. Mr. Me Too syndrome is a common Nigerian problem. Kabir just started a business selling boiled cows blood (I saw it on Welcome to Lagos), so you too must start selling boiled blood but instead you will go for ram blood, after all ram is more expensive your profit go pass his own. Your cousins best friend Lovette is making a killing from selling Armenian hair extensions, you too go start your own business, stick on Armenian eyebrows (everybody wants to look like the Kardashians shebi, why stop at their hair). Then you are shocked when you are badly in debt trying to copy somebody else’s’ well thought out idea.

We can’t all be investment bankers, we can’t all be top shot business school graduates, we can’t all be entrepreneurs, we can’t all be musicians, fashion designers, Computer nerds, high flying consultants, great graphic designers, Michelin starred chefs, or even actors... Find what your good at, and work yourself to death getting better at it, and making it succeed. That and only that will make you happy.

Xoxo.

Picture (KeywordPictures)

My Bucket List

So recently everyone seems to be sharing with me what they have on their bucket list. I was having a chat with one of my fave people in the world (TJ) and I was telling her I just don’t have a bucket list, and it is really bad that there is nothing I am dying to do before I die (no pun intended).

I don’t want to jump out of a plane; I really may kick the bucket if I did that. I don’t want to run a marathon; I don’t see how that’s exciting. I don’t want to fly a plane; I am sure I will vom all over the cock pit. I’m just too much of a coward for all these over the top things. So I have spent the day thinking about a more me, down to earth, REALISTIC Bucket List.

1. So my biggest secret in the whole entire world, actually just my parents, my brothers, 1 of my cousins, the people my brothers have snitched to know this, and now YOU. But.... drumrolllllllllllll.... I never learnt to ride a bicycle. It’s the most ridiculous and single most embarrassing thing EVER. But I have an acute fear for failure, and both my brothers learnt to ride bicycles before me, and I just couldn’t cope with this, so I pretended that I knew how to ride one and I just wasn’t interested anymore because the challenging part was done with. THE TRUTH – I never learnt. I finally admitted this to Ads, himself and my dad tried to teach me last year but they both failed. Sooooooooo before I kick the bucket I would love to learn to ride a bike.
2. Three places I would really love to go to, but have never found a travelling buddy – Sao Paolo, Tokyo and Hong Kong. Not very exotic, but as you may have picked up I am extremely fascinated by the human mind, I think it’s the most amazing part of the human anatomy – and I think that my mind will be totally blown away in Tokyo and Hong Kong. Brazil just seems like a beautiful place, with beautiful people, awesome food, and great music
3. I’d love to have dinner at the Archipelago restaurant in London. Really not all that out there, always wanted to go, but I never get round to it.
4. This one is not as realistic as the rest, but I would love to win a Nobel Prize for Literature for the tour de force book I have written in my head. I won’t be disappointed with an Orange Booker Award though
5. I’d love to have a 1 hour segment / interview about me on CNN ... Not yet decided what about, nothing controversial though. I’m a bit Camera shy, but will work on that
6. I’d like to work at a magazine or media house, doing some kind of writing or editorial work, getting to interview and meet great minds, and sharpen my mind.
7. Three women (of colour) I have stalked online and greatly admire I can’t even explain why, they are just amazing to me. Michele Obama, Khanyi Dholmo, and Ndidi Nwuneli. I would love to have lunch with them some day. Separately. I will explode if I had to condense the questions I have for all of them into one lunch.
8. Like I said before I am a bit of a coward so I won’t ever jump out of a plane but i’d like to deep dive or something, swim with dolphins etc. I think that’ll be pretty amazing
9. I’d like to learn some random languages.
10. I have a burning ache (for lack of a better word) for under privileged children, that have no hope for a better future, poor educations, kids that have been robbed of their childhoods because of circumstance(they can’t ride bicycles cause they don’t have any not because they were too scared to), ill kids in pain, I’d like to do something to better their situations and lot in life
11. I’d love to see the Egyptian pyramids. The mental work that would have gone into designing the pyramids really amazes me.
12. I also want to go to Pompeii, a bit random but I missed a school trip there once and always wanted to go at some point
13. I’d like to go on a hot air balloon ride thing overlooking a Safari in Kenya or something.
14. I don’t want to climb mount Everest, but I would like to be taken up in some kind of helicopter or whatever flies up that high, air lifted and dropped off so I can see the view from up there
15. I want to cross a long wooden bridge over a large drop, like you see in films (like in Thor, but with wood and string); I dream about this a lot actually. It’ll be a bit scary but the adrenalin rush will be awesome.
16. I want to go to L.A. Never been to the west coast before. Quite keen to go.
17. I want to have 2 kids. (A girl and A boy)
18. I’d love to genuinely laugh until I cry plenty more times than I already have
19. Just because I diss them so much I’d like to get a hair weave, even if its just for 10 minutes
20. I’d like to make my parents realllllly happy, by giving them something that they have always wanted (See number 17 mum – pick something else)

annnnnndddddd.... I'd like to share a massive secret with the world, that must be liberating!!!! I guess I can cross that one off now (see number 1)

I’m gonna stop there, that’s as much personal sharing as I care to do, the rest are far too hilarious and / or personal for blogs. But I will keep working on my bucket list over the next few days, months, years as TJ pointed out in our chat, it is very amusing / thought provoking.

What’s on your bucket list????????

Xoxo.