A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine (my namesake ;-)), about friendships, knowing when to let go, etc, etc, and I remembered a message that my cousin sent me a year ago, which I saved because it rang so true:

“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed – to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you guidance and support, to aid you physically or emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you want them to be, then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, walk away, or do something to make you take a stand. We must realise that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, and their work is DONE, and it’s time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you never knew, and they bring us an unusual amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships, teach you lifetime lessons, things that you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”

When we realise that people come into our life for: a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and when we know which one it is, we will know how to treat the person and free ourselves of the burden of worrying about what we could’ve done to make friends stay, or feeling guilt for growing out of a friendship. The key is to realise what we have learnt from the friendships and relationships that we have had. What we have learnt about ourselves, and what experiences we have had in our relationships that have helped us grow, taught us new things, and made us see the side of the coin that we never considered.

However hard it may have been to let go at the time, in hindsight I do not regret any of my friendships, because I have taken out the time to classify all my friendships, and I know what I have learnt about myself and about life from all the people that I am no longer as close to as I used to be. I truly believe that holding on to people for sentimental reasons when they have served their “purpose” in your life would inevitably be more painful than letting them go when it is time to.

While I think that this is true about all friendships and relationships in general, I read somewhere once (don’t remember where, but I stored it in my head), that men treat friendship like the sun, its existence not disputed, but its radiance best enjoyed from a distance. Couldn’t have put it better, sometimes some friendships are best enjoyed from a distance, and you can go out onto your lounge chair for a tan when you are feeling a bit pale.

xoxo.

Lions

It’s quite interesting to note that in Nature a Lion never mates with anything other than a Lion. You will never find a Lion, the king of the animal kingdom, mating with a kitten or any other feeble feline animal; it will only ever mate with another LION. As basic as the concept may seem, All animals – human, canine, feline, reptile, whatever classifications you may have, will only ever mate with its own (well these days some people are sick sha – but in general that theory upholds).

Where am I going with this...

Well, lately I have found the conversation at dinner tables, drinks, and other social gatherings inevitably always ends up with a heated or composed (depending on what kinda circles you roll with, my circles go heated) discussion on what the role of a woman in society is, in marriage, how independent can you be and still fit in with Nigerian culture (and even biblical principles) of subservience, the threat of extinction for the independent woman if she truly wants to get married, how the powerful businessman is only looking for a trophy wife to sit at home bear children, get her nails, hair and eyelashes “did” so that she looks breathtaking standing next to him at his upcoming IBA conference.

It all got me thinking, is there a balance, is subservience the only way, knowing what culture presumes, churches preach, the Qur’an dictates, how much can women get away with, is there a balance between achieving your own goals and giving in to your female instincts, yada, yada, yada. I gave it some thought sha, didn’t lose any sleep, then one day the answer, (well my answer, because my philosophy is no hard and fast rule) was staring me in the face. Lions.

I shall try to avoid a biology lesson, especially as I am an amateur when it comes to the study of Lions. A lion the tallest of all living cats, typically described as the king of the animal kingdom, is a powerful animal, that stalks its prey with the decisive focus and precision that always results in success. Undoubtedly the Lion is feared by all other cats and is the crème de la crème of its genus. A lion will always mate with a Lioness. However powerful a tiger may be, no matter its feline prowess, sophistication, delicacy, cunning, what have you, it will never be candidate to mate with a Lion. Much in the same way a powerful, intelligent, successful, driven, cultured, well-mannered, handsome (if you like) man will only be attracted to his kind. In other words: Obama will only be attracted to a Michelle. While a Michelle may not display the raw characteristics of a lion, because she is a lioness, yet she possesses the innate characteristics of a lion, those characteristics that Nigerian women are afraid to show for fear of scaring away potential suitors – independence, hard work, dedication, unwavering support, out-of-the box thinking, and the list goes on. I don’t know about you but when a lioness roars, I go “pick race”, with the same speed and fear for my life as I would if it were a Lion, both na the same thing.

Just in case I have not made may my point clear enough – If you are an independent, confident, mentally strong (not strong headed), dedicated, hardworking, intelligent, excellence oriented woman with personal goals driven to succeed, then you needn’t worry about lacking the adequate husband, scaring the men away, because a lioness attracts another lion, and iron sharpens iron. That being said, a lioness still respects her lion, submits to his will, and uses her lion-characteristics to sharpen, challenge and ultimately build his own.

If you want a Lion, become a Lioness.

Yes I have totally ignored the fact that I haven’t blogged in a while: “Na condition wey make crayfish bend”

xoxo.