All this Royal banter has got me imagining what the Royal Wedding would be like if it was Nigerian Royalty. We all know that Yorubas have the most effeeezzzy, so lets go with a Yoruba Royal wedding.
Weeks before the event (Yes, not months), the mother of the bride would have mobilised all her friends (The “mothers of the day”) to sell the Aso-Ebi for the event, to all other friends that live in their vicinity. Being a “Royal wedding” the lace will be nothing less than N400k for the engagement (traditional wedding) and the white wedding. Nothing too played out it would have to be a randommmmm colour, so everybody will know that “puff puff yato si doughnut”, and of course “Tesco value yato si krispy Kreme” ... This royal wedding will be the krispy kreme of all royal weddings. There will of course have to be a shortage of this aso ebi, there will be more demand, more hype if it is rare, all the friends of the bride’s parents are at loggerheads with each other because one got 5 yards, whilst the other only got 3 yards, just the kind of scandal needed to get people talking about the upcoming nuptuals.
It will suddenly dawn on the planning committee (the bride, her mother, and one over sabi aunt), that they have not printed invitations or secured a venue for the event. At this point the Olori (the Queen) will roll on the floor in front of the Oba (her husband, the King), and he will then put a call into Elizabeth R, and if Eko Hotel has been booked he’ll also have to put in a call to the leader of the southwest political party to ensure the swift rescheduling of whatever program was to hold (after all he opens up the way to the future – who else could solve the problem).
Now that the Aso–Ebi has been ‘ha’d’, the venue secured and Lagos’ A-List event planner booked, the buzz and word will begin to circulate , everyone in Lagos will be coveting that much sought after invitation, do not fret because if you don’t have one, ‘ko si problem’ you will still enter. The invitations will be printed, in a big rush, now its only 3 days to the event (the suspense of who will get official invites will now have reached a peak), the sentences will not be printed in straight lines, and there will likely be a few mistakes, but someone will cross out the embossed gold lettering with a blue ball point bic biro and correct it to “Eko Expo Centre”. Now that is done, the sorting out of memorabilia for the special day will commence. All manner and kind of plastic and metal buckets, mugs, note books, sponges, dustbins, credit, mobile phones even (those cheap visafone ones), plastic fans, electric fans, all sorts, just name it, they will be personalised with Sumbo weds Bosun, or Sumbo hooks Bosun.
The D-day has arrived (for simplicity sake let’s just assume this is just the one day, because we all know the chaos of the engagement will be replicated at the white wedding). The streets will not be lined with members of the public, because quite frankly nobody really cares, the traffic will be horrendous, but since it is a bigggzzz gel and bigggzzzz boy wedding, all the guests will have mo po to navigate their way through the traffic. The focus will completely be taken off the bride and the groom, after all “They are just at the altar, it is the parents that are doing the wedding”.... Every song the bride chooses to dance into will be criticised by the aforementioned friends of the bride’s mother, “ song yen o da rara” “Song wo? Ah, ko dun”, in the end the bride ends up dancing in to a song she completely detests, but it was the only one that the random aunts would agree to. She’s eventually in, has been unveiled and presented to her groom. The “alaga” would do her very best to frustrate the couple, embarrass them and of course to ensure she gets sprayed the most money of the day. The bride picks one of the gifts from the grooms family (A “Holy Book” of course, Lord alone knows why they bring other gifts since this is the only option), all the traditional stuff is done with, and the ‘enjoyment’ begins. Enjoyment is relative of course.
Did I mention that none of the guest would have arrived yet, 3 hours into the event they finally arrive, in their mile high gele’s, matching shoes and bags, and depending on their closeness to the couple they will have their own branded gifts to distribute. The waiters will go into a frenzy, they didn’t expect this many people all at once (even though this happens at EVERY event), the service will be shoddy, champagne will be rationed, food will be cold, and eventually it gets too much, so the waiters all hide behind the speakers drinking Jack Daniels neat. Hours pass, nothing has actually happened, it’s a circus, but somehow people feel so special to be on the guest list that they are blinded to this fact. The families of the couple couldn’t have hoped for a bigger success, they all go home, and sleep for a week. That was the most strenuous day of their lives, and the only possible way to recover is to lie on their backsides and eat endlessly for a prolonged period of time, while taking phone calls from friends at family who affirm their delusions of success at throwing a grand party.
Xoxo.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
If you want it...
Pursuit is the evidence of desire. If you want it badly enough, then you will pursue it. If you do not pursue it, then evidently you aren’t hungry enough for it, and you can do without.
I speak for myself also when I say that our generation knows nothing about pursuit. In life we do not pursue. In love we do not pursue either. We are used to having everything handed to us on a silver platter, and in many cases fed to us with a silver spoon. Most of us do not know what it means to seek out something, and work hard to acquire it, to pursue something like it is worthy of the value you place on it.
In life we have parents, god parents, aunts and uncles constantly charting out a path for us to follow, providing the finances, connections, ideas, excuses, and a new towel when we decide to throw the old one in. In love, we are spoilt for choice (I rephrase – men are spoilt for choice), if the current relationship fails there are many new, younger models willing to fill the vacancy in a heartbeat. Somehow we have lost the ability to work for things, we don’t have to I guess it’s always there. Everything is at our beck and call, and willing to bow to our every whim and caprice.
I can’t help but think how much we are missing out on. I think the best things come after a little bit of work, toil, a bit of sweat and blood. The things we get easily, pale in comparison to the things we have to work for, in life, in love, and in everything in between. If you truly desire something more than anything else, the only proof is the ardour of your pursuit. I personally appreciate the things I know I have worked hard to get a lot more than the things that have come easy to me. I am sure most people feel the same way.
Xoxo.
I speak for myself also when I say that our generation knows nothing about pursuit. In life we do not pursue. In love we do not pursue either. We are used to having everything handed to us on a silver platter, and in many cases fed to us with a silver spoon. Most of us do not know what it means to seek out something, and work hard to acquire it, to pursue something like it is worthy of the value you place on it.
In life we have parents, god parents, aunts and uncles constantly charting out a path for us to follow, providing the finances, connections, ideas, excuses, and a new towel when we decide to throw the old one in. In love, we are spoilt for choice (I rephrase – men are spoilt for choice), if the current relationship fails there are many new, younger models willing to fill the vacancy in a heartbeat. Somehow we have lost the ability to work for things, we don’t have to I guess it’s always there. Everything is at our beck and call, and willing to bow to our every whim and caprice.
I can’t help but think how much we are missing out on. I think the best things come after a little bit of work, toil, a bit of sweat and blood. The things we get easily, pale in comparison to the things we have to work for, in life, in love, and in everything in between. If you truly desire something more than anything else, the only proof is the ardour of your pursuit. I personally appreciate the things I know I have worked hard to get a lot more than the things that have come easy to me. I am sure most people feel the same way.
Xoxo.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Spirit of Excellence
So I have managed to survive one of the 'emptiest' long weekends in Lagos. Thankfully there were one or two interesting things to do, and one or two interesting people to do them with. Like The broadway performance of Fela...
Fela was a great show, it was evident that the producers and organisers had taken the time to dot their i's and cross their t's, no stones were left unturned, there was no room for technical glitches. In terms of planning the show was 'excellent', save but the African timing (cant have it all, can ya). In terms of the actual show: the music was on point, the acting was ok (accents left a lot to be desired, but it was a musical so this was not a big issue), the dancers, no comment, if you saw it, you know. It was well executed, and those who saw it in New York, London, elsewhere could attest that it was to the same standard here.
(Devils advocate D), I can't help but think that if the show was organised, planned, directed, and performed by NIGERIANS it would have been a total flop. NEPA would've taken light, they will still be arranging chairs at 9pm for a show planned for 7, people wont have attended, the acting would've been forced, the "who's who" would have strolled across the front of the stage at leisure. It would've been shoddy. this is not meant in any way to knock Nigerians, the truth is we are capable of producing a show to the same standards, but as a people we have not yet imbibed "The Spirit of Excellence". And unfortunately the average Nigerian doesn't care for it, as long as it is done sha, the quality is of very little importance.
"Not to know is bad, not to wish to know is worse". Nigerians are a well traveled bunch of people, we see things beautifully executed around the world, we have people come and execute things perfectly here, despite our infrastructural challenges. We import well produced products, external manufacturers come here and produce their products with the same excellence, we arrive at organised airports worldwide, we dine in clean restaurants, we travel using timely metro systems, we watch well produced films, we go to fully furnished hospitals, send our kids to schools where the teachers can pass the tests they administer, etc etc. Nigerians know excellence, we just don't wish to implement the same here. I refuse to accept that we don't know how, I believe we don't find excellence something that is to be desired, we are content to accept that the job is done, even if it isn't done well.
Excellence is an attitude, it is knowing that there is pride in what you do, however small, it is seeking to do whatever task you are assigned to the best of your ability. Even if you clean the loos in your local government, or you are the MD of a bank, Excellence is doing your job as though everything depends on it, it is holding yourself responsible for a spill by the loo bowl, or for the profitability of your organisation. The great thing about excellence is that EVERYBODY can be excellent, it's just a choice, an attitude.
I have seen excellence in Nigeria, the logistical phenomenon that is "The Experience" shows that we can achieve excellence in Nigeria and by Nigerians. We just have to want it, teach it, and live by it.
Xoxo.
Fela was a great show, it was evident that the producers and organisers had taken the time to dot their i's and cross their t's, no stones were left unturned, there was no room for technical glitches. In terms of planning the show was 'excellent', save but the African timing (cant have it all, can ya). In terms of the actual show: the music was on point, the acting was ok (accents left a lot to be desired, but it was a musical so this was not a big issue), the dancers, no comment, if you saw it, you know. It was well executed, and those who saw it in New York, London, elsewhere could attest that it was to the same standard here.
(Devils advocate D), I can't help but think that if the show was organised, planned, directed, and performed by NIGERIANS it would have been a total flop. NEPA would've taken light, they will still be arranging chairs at 9pm for a show planned for 7, people wont have attended, the acting would've been forced, the "who's who" would have strolled across the front of the stage at leisure. It would've been shoddy. this is not meant in any way to knock Nigerians, the truth is we are capable of producing a show to the same standards, but as a people we have not yet imbibed "The Spirit of Excellence". And unfortunately the average Nigerian doesn't care for it, as long as it is done sha, the quality is of very little importance.
"Not to know is bad, not to wish to know is worse". Nigerians are a well traveled bunch of people, we see things beautifully executed around the world, we have people come and execute things perfectly here, despite our infrastructural challenges. We import well produced products, external manufacturers come here and produce their products with the same excellence, we arrive at organised airports worldwide, we dine in clean restaurants, we travel using timely metro systems, we watch well produced films, we go to fully furnished hospitals, send our kids to schools where the teachers can pass the tests they administer, etc etc. Nigerians know excellence, we just don't wish to implement the same here. I refuse to accept that we don't know how, I believe we don't find excellence something that is to be desired, we are content to accept that the job is done, even if it isn't done well.
Excellence is an attitude, it is knowing that there is pride in what you do, however small, it is seeking to do whatever task you are assigned to the best of your ability. Even if you clean the loos in your local government, or you are the MD of a bank, Excellence is doing your job as though everything depends on it, it is holding yourself responsible for a spill by the loo bowl, or for the profitability of your organisation. The great thing about excellence is that EVERYBODY can be excellent, it's just a choice, an attitude.
I have seen excellence in Nigeria, the logistical phenomenon that is "The Experience" shows that we can achieve excellence in Nigeria and by Nigerians. We just have to want it, teach it, and live by it.
Xoxo.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Easy Way Out
I really haven’t blogged in a very long time. I apologize. I am an overly cerebral person. Well that sounds a little obnoxious, what I mean is, I think a lot. But I really needed the liberty of not thinking for a little bit.
Making a conscious effort not to over think everything brought me to the realisation that in life we really make a big deal about everything, we turn the smallest things into larger than life issues, read too much into things, use 30 words in the place of the necessary five. The yorubas say “Address po ju ile lo” … i.e. The address of the house is far bigger than the house itself. We clothe simplicity in pageant, because somehow we have been trained to think that traffic will make the parade look bigger, and somehow that is far easier than facing the reality that it isn’t.
“I didn’t have the time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one instead” Blaise Pascal.
As Blaise Pascal implied, it is far easier to write a long letter than to write a short one, its far easier to dress reality in beautiful aesthetically pleasing distractions than it is to deal with that reality, its far easier to turn to a vice than to process an emotion. It’s far easier to take the easy way out as long as we make it look grand.
A friend sent out quite an interesting article earlier, It was about how your twenty-something’s are the years where you are meant to find yourself, experience everything you need till you get to the place you are meant to be, step out of your comfort zone, and how the most life shaping decision is “walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without”. It’s very easy to stick to the good-enough especially in Nigeria, than to step out into the unknown. To stay in an unfulfilling relationship because you don’t see any better options, to stay in a job that you hate and that doesn’t call on any of your skills because what you really want o to do won’t pay you as much, its easier to keep unhealthy friendships because you don’t want to attend events alone, all the while wrapping your discontent in vocabulary, fake smiles, and outlandish vices. But your happiness and fulfilment is in the unknown, however daunting that may seem.
Remain in search of your “can’t-live-without” and never settle for the “good-enough”, because easy as “good-enough” is, it will never be fulfilling, however much you rationalise it, make it look pretty, decorate it with the most complex of words.
Xoxo.
Making a conscious effort not to over think everything brought me to the realisation that in life we really make a big deal about everything, we turn the smallest things into larger than life issues, read too much into things, use 30 words in the place of the necessary five. The yorubas say “Address po ju ile lo” … i.e. The address of the house is far bigger than the house itself. We clothe simplicity in pageant, because somehow we have been trained to think that traffic will make the parade look bigger, and somehow that is far easier than facing the reality that it isn’t.
“I didn’t have the time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one instead” Blaise Pascal.
As Blaise Pascal implied, it is far easier to write a long letter than to write a short one, its far easier to dress reality in beautiful aesthetically pleasing distractions than it is to deal with that reality, its far easier to turn to a vice than to process an emotion. It’s far easier to take the easy way out as long as we make it look grand.
A friend sent out quite an interesting article earlier, It was about how your twenty-something’s are the years where you are meant to find yourself, experience everything you need till you get to the place you are meant to be, step out of your comfort zone, and how the most life shaping decision is “walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without”. It’s very easy to stick to the good-enough especially in Nigeria, than to step out into the unknown. To stay in an unfulfilling relationship because you don’t see any better options, to stay in a job that you hate and that doesn’t call on any of your skills because what you really want o to do won’t pay you as much, its easier to keep unhealthy friendships because you don’t want to attend events alone, all the while wrapping your discontent in vocabulary, fake smiles, and outlandish vices. But your happiness and fulfilment is in the unknown, however daunting that may seem.
Remain in search of your “can’t-live-without” and never settle for the “good-enough”, because easy as “good-enough” is, it will never be fulfilling, however much you rationalise it, make it look pretty, decorate it with the most complex of words.
Xoxo.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Nigeria Has Picked Its Poison
By now every "voting" Nigerian would have picked his poison.
*Enough Said*
Xoxo.
*Enough Said*
Xoxo.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Once Upon A Dream
Sleeping beauty is by far my all time favourite cartoon; actually it’s my favourite film or thing to watch, closely followed by love actually, and Shakespeare in love. I can watch Sleeping Beauty over and over and over again, but unfortunately I don’t own it anymore. Disney has this thing where they discontinue all their classics for 7 years and then release them again for a year, every 7th year I seem to miss it. (Another Easter present suggestion – I will be indebted to you forever).
The story is simple; Princess Aurora was cursed by the wicked fairy – on her 16th birthday she will prick her finger (“chuck” her finger if you like) on a spinning wheel and die, one of the good fairy’s then reverses it and says she will fall into a deep sleep until she is awaken by true loves kiss. Nevertheless Aurora is sent to live in the woods with her 3 fairy god mothers till she is 16 so as to protect her from falling prey to the evil fairy’s curse. Dancing in the woods one day she meets prince charming, the person she has dreamed about forever, and immediately falls in love with him:
“I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream,
I know you
The gleam in your eye is so familiar a gleam,
Yes, I know it’s true
That visions are seldom what they seem,
But I know you; I know what you’ll do,
You’ll love me at once
The way you did ONCE UPON A DREAM”
Yada yada yada, she pricks her finger falls into a deep sleep, prince charming eventually finds her, and gives her true loves kiss, they have a grand wedding and THE END, we hear nothing about the marriage.
This film must be the bible’s equivalent to a lot of Nigerian women. Everybody sha wants to marry prince charming, have a show stopping, grand wedding, the one that they have dreamed of, turtle doves released at “I do”, pews full of important people, all jealous eyes on the groom, all glammed up in their Ellie Saab dress, or in their $5000 per yard lace that they flew to Dubai to hand pick, face painted and eyelashes appended by nobody but Banke Mashida, the party to top all parties will follow, champagne pouring out of every nook and cranny, DJ on point, crowds dancing all night, 1000 Naira notes being sprayed, and the recent vogue is to have a retired American artiste close the night singing some mid-nineties ballad. Or a destination wedding in a garden somewhere, strict crowd control, everyone back home will be waiting to see the exclusive pictures on Bella Naija. But as my friend L.O pointed out, everyone is dreaming about the grand wedding, but she would rather think about the day after. When all your friends leave, your parents kiss you good bye, your siblings do the same, you are alone with this ‘Prince’ hopefully for the rest of your life. For all we know Prince Charming (Philip), may have been a wife beating, drunkaholic, who got sacked from his job, and was collecting the dole. We didn’t need to know, because in the film after the wedding it was THE END, in real life it’s just the BEGINING.
We all dream, but adrift in our foolish dreams, we seem to forget that at some point we will have to wake up, smell the coffee, live with the reality that our dreams led us to (LITERALLY). 4ACES recently posted something about having to edit our ‘lists’, they asked: is this a sign of maturity or is it just settling. I don’t think we have to change our dreams, but we have to also dream about the ever after, and decide what we are ready to compromise. It isn’t settling, but rather its maturity, and above all it is REALISTIC.
Sleeping Beauty will forever be one of my favourite things to watch, but every little girls trouble starts the moment she believes it is an Aurora and Prince Charming story she must have, or nothing.
Xoxo.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The luxury of a negative thought...
I don’t know if I should call it a yearning for more, or what, but I often allow myself the luxury of discontent, and general anger in a desire for MORE. Albeit that I don’t have an unfortunate life in any way, shape or form, relatively quite the opposite. It bemuses me that people in really quite destitute and almost hopeless situations are never ever, negative, or unhappy, they have such a great hopeful outlook on life.
I mentioned before that I sometimes (far fewer than I should / would like to) go out with the “Changing Our World Foundation” supporting them in the great work that they do in Obalande, and one thing I have noticed is that these people are extremely happy, and content. It will take a long time to forget the first home that I went into, to give out food, It was the home of an old guy, it was just one room, It contained his bed at the far end, An ‘antique’ sofa in the middle, a coffee table, and on the opposite end a stove with kitchen utensils, dotted around the one (very small room) were the sum total of his belongings. Yet he was the happiest old man ever. Speaking to him, and just watching his body language, he was CONTENT.
It begs the question, is negativity and discontent a luxury?
(Don’t say it, Cheesy Picture, I know)
Xoxo.
I mentioned before that I sometimes (far fewer than I should / would like to) go out with the “Changing Our World Foundation” supporting them in the great work that they do in Obalande, and one thing I have noticed is that these people are extremely happy, and content. It will take a long time to forget the first home that I went into, to give out food, It was the home of an old guy, it was just one room, It contained his bed at the far end, An ‘antique’ sofa in the middle, a coffee table, and on the opposite end a stove with kitchen utensils, dotted around the one (very small room) were the sum total of his belongings. Yet he was the happiest old man ever. Speaking to him, and just watching his body language, he was CONTENT.
It begs the question, is negativity and discontent a luxury?
(Don’t say it, Cheesy Picture, I know)
Xoxo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)