I know I have been absolutely awful with this lately; I guess I have been too busy / tired to collect my thoughts and reflect. My apologies.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have had the opportunity to work with people from all over the world, and though I have teased others (see last post), I have to admit my own geography and general knowledge has been put to the test. Even when I know the small city, on a hill, in the most random part of Finland, it’s quite challenging for me to keep a conversation going with someone I have nothing in common with. Once you get through the usuals: Weather (Yep its stupid cold here in comparison to pretty much every other part of the world); What office you work out of; your experiences there, your preferences in food, music, liquor even (when you get really stuck) etc etc. the rest is sorta extremely difficult.
A personal philosophy of mine has always been “better to remain silent and thought a fool, than speak out and remove all doubt”, I don’t know where I picked that up from, because neither of my parents are like that, nor are my brothers, I may have to hire a shrink one day for me to untangle that one. I keep a lot of my opinions, thoughts, musings, ideas, and jokes to myself, as you can imagine not the best tool to be working with in situations like this, where you have to get to know people to be able to work with them effectively.
Though it has been challenging , it has also been such a great learning experience, it’s awesome to see how social styles and working habits are shaped by our environments, cultures, races, religions, and all sorts of things I won’t list (just because I don’t want to risk political incorrectness). Sometimes I have looked at team members and thought “geeeeze, disaster has a passport” (though technically the people I am referring to here don’t need a passport to get this far), and other times I think “how profound” (when I’m judging a book by its very unappealing cover). Everybody does things differently:
• Some people use humour as an entry into conversation
• Others talk too much to cover up their insecurities – trust me the way they talk 19 to the dozen you completely overlook the fact that they have large growths on the corner of their noses
• Others deafen you with their silence
• Some people have permanent standoffish facial expressions
• Others overwhelm you with their kindness
• People overbear you with their depth of knowledge in one area
• Groups of people are unnecessarily loud, everything they say must be screamed at the top of their lungs
• Some people plan everything – “lets go to dinner”, “yes, lets”, “ok how should we go there, maybe we should go up the stairs, and walk along the corridor, or maybe we should go outside the building cross the bath and re-enter on the bottom floor, or maybe we shouldn’t have dinner now”, “it’s just dinner dude, let’s just start walking, no need for a song and dance”
• People seek approval from every possible source before they make decisions
• Some people are VICIOUS about everything (Nigerians)
• As my man Pharell will say, some people are “Mr. Me Too’s” ... “Everything I say, you say “Me Too””
To cut a long story short, whoever you talk to, work with, play with around the world, they all have their own way of doing things, they have their insecurities, and like me they have their personal philosophies, based on their own life experiences and environment. We are all refugees of something, seeking safety in our social styles, and perhaps the best way to interact with each other is to get lost in the details.
Xoxo.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
From Sub-Sahara to Sub-Zero
All the way from the tropics, I have landed myself in Chi-Town in the bleak mid-winter, still decorated with the debris of its worst (or rather most severe) blizzard in a decade, and in all truth it has been a SHOCK to my system.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think I am a bonafide Nigerian: The concept of cold and winter is now so foreign to me. However I only have myself to blame for how cold I am right now, because before I left ‘Uncle P’ was telling me to pack long johnnnns, and tons of thermals, and naturally I was like “eiweeeee, I don’t have those”, his response: “oh, so you are tryna look cute in arctic conditions” ... turns out he knows his village better than I do, this cold is paralysing, definitely too cold to try and look cute, too cold to even try and look just aite....It’s all about keeping warm regardless of what’s in vogue. I can totally understand those Nigerians you see at Heathrow now, wearing tea cosies on their heads and turtle neck jumpers under their buba and iro, topped off with one of those ghastly felt looking scarves; the cold whey catch them, na only them fit understand.
But even more “Nigerian” of me, I just haven’t got the patience for ignorant oyinbos (you know, the sort that haven’t ever left their home country and have weird concepts and beliefs about the outside world). Believe it or not almost every person I have spoken to has asked me if I speak Nigerian, I have been asked when I learnt to speak English, If this was the first time I have seen snow, and one girl even announced on a microphone that she wants to visit Africa (South Africa specifically) because she really wants to see monkeys walking on the street. Someone asked my colleague if her mode of transport was elephant. As though all that was not bad enough, today some girl comes up to me grinning from ear to ear and says: “I was so fascinated when you spoke earlier, because before now I never knew there was a country called Nigeria”. Of course when all these comments were made, I smiled politely, maybe even laughed a little, but all that was going through my head was: “abi kiru iranu le leyi” (and yes I did actually think it in Yoruba, but for the none Yoruba speakers, I was thinking – “WHAT KIND OF RUBBISH IS THIS”).
All this jetlag has got me thinking how ironic it is that most Africans look to the western world, mostly to Europe and the United States as the beacons of all knowledge, superior, and as my grandfather would say, (Yoruba speakers pardon my spelling), “e gba keji olorun”, i.e. after God is the white man, but truthfully when it comes down to it(and after all these comments I have heard), the Africans, Indians, Chinese are far more technically sound, and fully exposed.
I have spoken to a lot of people since I’ve been here, and my mind has really been blown away by the quality of some peoples thoughts, and ideas, particularly one Indian chap, and one Korean girl. Quite frankly it took a lot of “active listening” for me to follow these peoples conversations, but when I did I was wowed, they had sound business acumen, they knew how to apply their knowledge, and articulate it, they knew about the world, the way it works, ideas on how it could work better, they could even discuss random topics like music and theatre in different geographical locations, they were well rounded. But when I think about it people (myself included) normally overlook these guys, because their command of the English language is not so great, but when they hear big big fone and grammar, thick American accent, plum in the mouth English, they sit up, even if that person is talking a pile of rubbish.
That seems to be the way the world works, we judge a book by its cover, and we rate the content of what someone is saying by the accent they are speaking in. I guess that is why we have so many Nigerians putting on God alone knows what accents that make them sound like they swallowed a pineapple whole and it got trapped in their throats. If the objective of faking accents is in order to give the illusion that we are intelligent, I believe I may start to speak with an Indian or Chinese accent (As it happens I do quite good impressions of both... I am way ahead of the curve, so when u hear me spitting one Indian or Chinese fone, don’t watch me, watch tv).
Missing Lagos, the sun, my family, friends, and my own bed.
Xoxo.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think I am a bonafide Nigerian: The concept of cold and winter is now so foreign to me. However I only have myself to blame for how cold I am right now, because before I left ‘Uncle P’ was telling me to pack long johnnnns, and tons of thermals, and naturally I was like “eiweeeee, I don’t have those”, his response: “oh, so you are tryna look cute in arctic conditions” ... turns out he knows his village better than I do, this cold is paralysing, definitely too cold to try and look cute, too cold to even try and look just aite....It’s all about keeping warm regardless of what’s in vogue. I can totally understand those Nigerians you see at Heathrow now, wearing tea cosies on their heads and turtle neck jumpers under their buba and iro, topped off with one of those ghastly felt looking scarves; the cold whey catch them, na only them fit understand.
But even more “Nigerian” of me, I just haven’t got the patience for ignorant oyinbos (you know, the sort that haven’t ever left their home country and have weird concepts and beliefs about the outside world). Believe it or not almost every person I have spoken to has asked me if I speak Nigerian, I have been asked when I learnt to speak English, If this was the first time I have seen snow, and one girl even announced on a microphone that she wants to visit Africa (South Africa specifically) because she really wants to see monkeys walking on the street. Someone asked my colleague if her mode of transport was elephant. As though all that was not bad enough, today some girl comes up to me grinning from ear to ear and says: “I was so fascinated when you spoke earlier, because before now I never knew there was a country called Nigeria”. Of course when all these comments were made, I smiled politely, maybe even laughed a little, but all that was going through my head was: “abi kiru iranu le leyi” (and yes I did actually think it in Yoruba, but for the none Yoruba speakers, I was thinking – “WHAT KIND OF RUBBISH IS THIS”).
All this jetlag has got me thinking how ironic it is that most Africans look to the western world, mostly to Europe and the United States as the beacons of all knowledge, superior, and as my grandfather would say, (Yoruba speakers pardon my spelling), “e gba keji olorun”, i.e. after God is the white man, but truthfully when it comes down to it(and after all these comments I have heard), the Africans, Indians, Chinese are far more technically sound, and fully exposed.
I have spoken to a lot of people since I’ve been here, and my mind has really been blown away by the quality of some peoples thoughts, and ideas, particularly one Indian chap, and one Korean girl. Quite frankly it took a lot of “active listening” for me to follow these peoples conversations, but when I did I was wowed, they had sound business acumen, they knew how to apply their knowledge, and articulate it, they knew about the world, the way it works, ideas on how it could work better, they could even discuss random topics like music and theatre in different geographical locations, they were well rounded. But when I think about it people (myself included) normally overlook these guys, because their command of the English language is not so great, but when they hear big big fone and grammar, thick American accent, plum in the mouth English, they sit up, even if that person is talking a pile of rubbish.
That seems to be the way the world works, we judge a book by its cover, and we rate the content of what someone is saying by the accent they are speaking in. I guess that is why we have so many Nigerians putting on God alone knows what accents that make them sound like they swallowed a pineapple whole and it got trapped in their throats. If the objective of faking accents is in order to give the illusion that we are intelligent, I believe I may start to speak with an Indian or Chinese accent (As it happens I do quite good impressions of both... I am way ahead of the curve, so when u hear me spitting one Indian or Chinese fone, don’t watch me, watch tv).
Missing Lagos, the sun, my family, friends, and my own bed.
Xoxo.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
#-*?/Unexpected Service Error, please reboot #-*?
I may be speaking from a place of complete frustration, but I believe I am well within my rights. Nearly three years in Lagos and I haven’t flipped out yet. So there is a lot of pent up anger, I have been described as passive aggressive, so I am about to flip the script to the other kinds of aggressive.
Have you ever purchased any kind of product in Lagos?? (I don’t want to speak to speak for the rest of Nigeria, but I have a strange feeling it may apply) Physical product or otherwise, I am sure you will agree that you will inevitably be met with some form of service failure, a display of incompetence, a bunch of hyenas flaunting their ignorance as though it were a jewelled 24 carat crown.
Service is something we don’t have a clue about in Nigeria, and quite frankly we don’t even care. No Nigerian wants to see themselves as a servant, “Olorun ma je o, e mi Oluwadunsin? Servant? L’aye mi” A nation full of Diva’s too proud, too much, too swagged out to serve another person. All I have to say to these baboons, working behind our tills, working in organisations with service driven products: IF YOU DONT WANT TO DO THE JOB, QUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! Hand in your resignations letter, and carry your unreliable, incompetent, *****fill in the blanks***** backsides home to sit in a dark room alone where you belong. If you have no people skills do not work in a customer facing job, lock yourself alone with a mirror, since clearly your company is the only one you require, and attending to the needs of your customers is apparently superfluous to your job description.
Months and months of accepting poor service delivery finally came to a head when a travel agent started giving me the lip because SHE hasn’t booked a ticket I informed her about nearly a month ago, and 2 days before my departure she is telling me her server is down. I can no longer sit back and spend my hard earned money for below sub –standard service. I used to just accept it, take it, in my head say: well this is Naija what more should I expect. Well that’s exactly the problem, because we accept it they keep doing it, they have been so comfortable getting paid to sit on their arses in air conditioning, gisting while they “browse” facebook, and flip through City People. This doesn’t just happen in chicken republic, it has trickled into every organisation in the nation: in big global firms, with domestic staff, in our government, hospitals, everywhere where there are people doing work and not computers.
I have often wondered why once my ‘rents are out of town all the house help become very relaxed they don’t care to do anything, they come when they please, leave when they please, and generally take the mickey. So I watched what my mum did differently from me: She SHOUTS! That’s the solution, the woman barely remembers how to talk in normal tones because she is so used to shouting at everyone, but guess what, IT WORKS. I employed the same strategy with Miss I-come-to-work-but-all-I-do-is-faff-travel-agent, don’t think it had the same effect, my brother said it was because my shouting had too much ‘phone’ , but it made me feel a lot better sha, that was my night cap last night.
So what is my advice, start shouting, otherwise you will continue to hear the following:
• “Ehnnn I don’t have credit so I can’t make the call” – Excuse me lady it is your job to make the call, so go to your neighbourhood aboki, and buy yourself some credit
• “Please wait I’m painting my nails, I can’t press the till right now, my nails are wet” – Do not make me jump over the till and come clap you across the face
• “This film is sweet, let me just see what happens to Sule after his madam catches him stealing meat from the pot before I take your rollers out” – Is this your living room? No! Its a hair salon, turn off AMY (Africa Magic Yoruba) and come take me out of this steaming hot drier
• “Sir, I can’t take this wrong order back to the kitchen, it will be a problem, you have to eat it” – T.O, I think you remember this one, and as we said to the guy at the time “problem for who?????”
• “We’re unable to take that order, ostritch no dey” “how about chicken?” “e don finish” “beef?” “no ma” “vegetables?” “na one small carrot wey we get” “so what can I order?” “ma, we can cross the road and help you to buy pure water” – enough said
• And.... the biggest service failure of them all MTN. “Ehnnn the ‘network’ was faulty so nobody was able to make calls, it is not just you experiencing the problem” – Excuse me for pointing this one out, Why call yourself a mobile phone operator, if your ‘network’ is always faulty, go into making “Yello” greeting cards if you cannot provide me with any signal
Don’t be scared to use your angry voice, I just found mine, and trust, it is satisfying.
P.s. Happy Birthday to my bwoyyyyyssss J.S and Kiki.
xoxo
Have you ever purchased any kind of product in Lagos?? (I don’t want to speak to speak for the rest of Nigeria, but I have a strange feeling it may apply) Physical product or otherwise, I am sure you will agree that you will inevitably be met with some form of service failure, a display of incompetence, a bunch of hyenas flaunting their ignorance as though it were a jewelled 24 carat crown.
Service is something we don’t have a clue about in Nigeria, and quite frankly we don’t even care. No Nigerian wants to see themselves as a servant, “Olorun ma je o, e mi Oluwadunsin? Servant? L’aye mi” A nation full of Diva’s too proud, too much, too swagged out to serve another person. All I have to say to these baboons, working behind our tills, working in organisations with service driven products: IF YOU DONT WANT TO DO THE JOB, QUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! Hand in your resignations letter, and carry your unreliable, incompetent, *****fill in the blanks***** backsides home to sit in a dark room alone where you belong. If you have no people skills do not work in a customer facing job, lock yourself alone with a mirror, since clearly your company is the only one you require, and attending to the needs of your customers is apparently superfluous to your job description.
Months and months of accepting poor service delivery finally came to a head when a travel agent started giving me the lip because SHE hasn’t booked a ticket I informed her about nearly a month ago, and 2 days before my departure she is telling me her server is down. I can no longer sit back and spend my hard earned money for below sub –standard service. I used to just accept it, take it, in my head say: well this is Naija what more should I expect. Well that’s exactly the problem, because we accept it they keep doing it, they have been so comfortable getting paid to sit on their arses in air conditioning, gisting while they “browse” facebook, and flip through City People. This doesn’t just happen in chicken republic, it has trickled into every organisation in the nation: in big global firms, with domestic staff, in our government, hospitals, everywhere where there are people doing work and not computers.
I have often wondered why once my ‘rents are out of town all the house help become very relaxed they don’t care to do anything, they come when they please, leave when they please, and generally take the mickey. So I watched what my mum did differently from me: She SHOUTS! That’s the solution, the woman barely remembers how to talk in normal tones because she is so used to shouting at everyone, but guess what, IT WORKS. I employed the same strategy with Miss I-come-to-work-but-all-I-do-is-faff-travel-agent, don’t think it had the same effect, my brother said it was because my shouting had too much ‘phone’ , but it made me feel a lot better sha, that was my night cap last night.
So what is my advice, start shouting, otherwise you will continue to hear the following:
• “Ehnnn I don’t have credit so I can’t make the call” – Excuse me lady it is your job to make the call, so go to your neighbourhood aboki, and buy yourself some credit
• “Please wait I’m painting my nails, I can’t press the till right now, my nails are wet” – Do not make me jump over the till and come clap you across the face
• “This film is sweet, let me just see what happens to Sule after his madam catches him stealing meat from the pot before I take your rollers out” – Is this your living room? No! Its a hair salon, turn off AMY (Africa Magic Yoruba) and come take me out of this steaming hot drier
• “Sir, I can’t take this wrong order back to the kitchen, it will be a problem, you have to eat it” – T.O, I think you remember this one, and as we said to the guy at the time “problem for who?????”
• “We’re unable to take that order, ostritch no dey” “how about chicken?” “e don finish” “beef?” “no ma” “vegetables?” “na one small carrot wey we get” “so what can I order?” “ma, we can cross the road and help you to buy pure water” – enough said
• And.... the biggest service failure of them all MTN. “Ehnnn the ‘network’ was faulty so nobody was able to make calls, it is not just you experiencing the problem” – Excuse me for pointing this one out, Why call yourself a mobile phone operator, if your ‘network’ is always faulty, go into making “Yello” greeting cards if you cannot provide me with any signal
Don’t be scared to use your angry voice, I just found mine, and trust, it is satisfying.
P.s. Happy Birthday to my bwoyyyyyssss J.S and Kiki.
xoxo
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