I may be speaking from a place of complete frustration, but I believe I am well within my rights. Nearly three years in Lagos and I haven’t flipped out yet. So there is a lot of pent up anger, I have been described as passive aggressive, so I am about to flip the script to the other kinds of aggressive.
Have you ever purchased any kind of product in Lagos?? (I don’t want to speak to speak for the rest of Nigeria, but I have a strange feeling it may apply) Physical product or otherwise, I am sure you will agree that you will inevitably be met with some form of service failure, a display of incompetence, a bunch of hyenas flaunting their ignorance as though it were a jewelled 24 carat crown.
Service is something we don’t have a clue about in Nigeria, and quite frankly we don’t even care. No Nigerian wants to see themselves as a servant, “Olorun ma je o, e mi Oluwadunsin? Servant? L’aye mi” A nation full of Diva’s too proud, too much, too swagged out to serve another person. All I have to say to these baboons, working behind our tills, working in organisations with service driven products: IF YOU DONT WANT TO DO THE JOB, QUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! Hand in your resignations letter, and carry your unreliable, incompetent, *****fill in the blanks***** backsides home to sit in a dark room alone where you belong. If you have no people skills do not work in a customer facing job, lock yourself alone with a mirror, since clearly your company is the only one you require, and attending to the needs of your customers is apparently superfluous to your job description.
Months and months of accepting poor service delivery finally came to a head when a travel agent started giving me the lip because SHE hasn’t booked a ticket I informed her about nearly a month ago, and 2 days before my departure she is telling me her server is down. I can no longer sit back and spend my hard earned money for below sub –standard service. I used to just accept it, take it, in my head say: well this is Naija what more should I expect. Well that’s exactly the problem, because we accept it they keep doing it, they have been so comfortable getting paid to sit on their arses in air conditioning, gisting while they “browse” facebook, and flip through City People. This doesn’t just happen in chicken republic, it has trickled into every organisation in the nation: in big global firms, with domestic staff, in our government, hospitals, everywhere where there are people doing work and not computers.
I have often wondered why once my ‘rents are out of town all the house help become very relaxed they don’t care to do anything, they come when they please, leave when they please, and generally take the mickey. So I watched what my mum did differently from me: She SHOUTS! That’s the solution, the woman barely remembers how to talk in normal tones because she is so used to shouting at everyone, but guess what, IT WORKS. I employed the same strategy with Miss I-come-to-work-but-all-I-do-is-faff-travel-agent, don’t think it had the same effect, my brother said it was because my shouting had too much ‘phone’ , but it made me feel a lot better sha, that was my night cap last night.
So what is my advice, start shouting, otherwise you will continue to hear the following:
• “Ehnnn I don’t have credit so I can’t make the call” – Excuse me lady it is your job to make the call, so go to your neighbourhood aboki, and buy yourself some credit
• “Please wait I’m painting my nails, I can’t press the till right now, my nails are wet” – Do not make me jump over the till and come clap you across the face
• “This film is sweet, let me just see what happens to Sule after his madam catches him stealing meat from the pot before I take your rollers out” – Is this your living room? No! Its a hair salon, turn off AMY (Africa Magic Yoruba) and come take me out of this steaming hot drier
• “Sir, I can’t take this wrong order back to the kitchen, it will be a problem, you have to eat it” – T.O, I think you remember this one, and as we said to the guy at the time “problem for who?????”
• “We’re unable to take that order, ostritch no dey” “how about chicken?” “e don finish” “beef?” “no ma” “vegetables?” “na one small carrot wey we get” “so what can I order?” “ma, we can cross the road and help you to buy pure water” – enough said
• And.... the biggest service failure of them all MTN. “Ehnnn the ‘network’ was faulty so nobody was able to make calls, it is not just you experiencing the problem” – Excuse me for pointing this one out, Why call yourself a mobile phone operator, if your ‘network’ is always faulty, go into making “Yello” greeting cards if you cannot provide me with any signal
Don’t be scared to use your angry voice, I just found mine, and trust, it is satisfying.
P.s. Happy Birthday to my bwoyyyyyssss J.S and Kiki.
xoxo
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