The Moved Back Club

Last year I blogged about the tourists that tend to invade our town this time every year. This year, however, it seems that the year end / festive season has crept up on me without the normal jitters, or slight anxiety with the knowledge that very soon Nail Place will be filled with the pleasant (or unpleasant, as the case may be) sounds of ‘fonetics’ in all shapes and sizes, the one that has “entered”, or the one that is still struggling to roll her r’s well, Bacchus will be teaming with young ladies in their belt-skirts (I believe they call those bodycon skirts), the queue at glover court will be days long. No this year it appears the change in the Lagos atmosphere will be but a slight one, since all the regular tourists have joined the “moved back club”.

Yes... “The moved back club”, if you no join am yet, make you pick race, space is running out, membership is no longer exclusive, na bronze card whey remain, no entry into the lounge.

The other day I was at the facial bar, while I was being pampered, I had the great pleasure of listening to a few girls outside in the reception, talking about the challenges they have faced since they MOVED BACK, “had to cut my facials to once a month”, “can’t keep up with the latest fashion trends”, “why do people keep asking me how my night was”...etc... and of course the entire conversation ends with “Well I have found to keep sane in this crazy city you have to get out as often as possible”. As I’m typing this I am cringing, because it sounds all too familiar.

As they spoke I remembered that my 3rd year anniversary with Lagos slipped by without my noticing, me and my city didn’t have a romantic dinner, exchange gifts, whisper sweet nothings, It was just another day. October 4th. In the first year we celebrated 1 week anniversaries, by the second I probably updated my status with something like “2 years in Lagos, and still standing” by the third I have to even beg people to believe that I can even blow grammer, let alone that I lived anywhere outside of Lagos. It got me thinking, Why do people have such pride in the fact that “Ah I’ve moved back o, been back a week”, It made me wonder if people hold onto their “moved back” status as some kind of validation, something to make them feel like they are somehow elite, among the cool crew, like they deserve extra praise and special treatment, an excuse to do whatever they like and claim it’s because they are in new territory, live without inhibitions, basking in the non-existent rays of their self awarded superiority.

I’m not bashing anybody here, because the truth is that back in the day I did it too, but as I have grown older, and wiser (if I say so myself), I see the futility of it all. This so called moved back club, whose members are meant to be the hope of Nigeria, bringing their western enlightenment, countless degrees, and the clout that comes with their privileged backgrounds to impact the society, have done nothing. I don’t know what everyone else sees, but I see that the roads are still the same, no industries have been transformed, the old wine skins still dominate our politics, people die daily from things as basic as childbirth, children go without an education. Nothing has changed. Yes the staff at Nail Place are getting bigger tips, Agip is filling bigger tanks, Heineken have launched the only beer that pops exclusively for this market, Champagne is being spilt like water, but the moved back club have added no real value to Nigeria.

So next time you are about to flash you platinum moved back club card, for fast track entry into the first class lounge, think about whether you have used it to do anything positive for your country

Food for thought

Xoxo.