When it comes to politics my favourite quote (because it pertains to Nigeria) is: “Every Nation has the government it deserves” Joseph Marie de Maistre. If you know me well enough, or have read my blogs long enough, no doubt I would’ve whipped this one out before. The truth is that for as long as we sat in our offices and homes providing our own electricity, healthcare, security, education for our children, and generally accepting the status quo. The government we had was exactly the government we deserved. Our sitting and accepting the nonsense they dealt us was license enough for them to continue dealing it. Not until the #OcuupyNigeira movement started, did I see a people that deserved a better government, all I saw were a group of sweet talkers that were not ready to put their money, their lives, or their time where their mouth was.
I tried very hard to stay away from blogging about the topic of oil subsidy removal, largely for ignorance of the real issues behind it, and my position has very much been one that most Nigerians will not appreciate. After much coaxing by an activist friend of mine I have somehow been moved.
I cannot claim to have the economic prowess of Dambisa Moyo, or the technical depth on all things oil and gas that perhaps a Mr. Sumonu of Shell does, but my opinion for a very long time was that maintaining the fuel subsidy was not sustainable, and furthermore in keeping it we were not under pressure to develop the infrastructure that we need as a country because we had no real need for it. But my opinions were largely ignorant of how subsidy removal will affect the average Nigerian. I cannot be sure how accurate the CIA world fact-book’s figures are but let us assume they are accurate (in actual fact they may be quite benevolent) 64% of Nigerians live below the international poverty line of $1.25 a day, so the average Nigerian is not very well off and a removal of subsidy is actually a case of some semblance of a life and a life lived in the shadows of death. I feel then, that it is in-fact my duty to in any way I can empathise with all those that are occupying Nigeria not just because they are looking for a bit of activity on a weekday or because it’ll just be nice to have that extra cash in their pocket, but because their very life depends on it.
In conversation with my activist friend on Monday I expressed my then nonchalance for the occupy Nigeria movement, I didn’t feel that people were protesting for any clearly defined outcome, but rather just making noise for what it was worth. Do they want the government to bring back fuel subsidy? Or do they want the government to build refineries. It wasn’t so clear to me, and I wasn’t going to stand in the sun on an empty stomach for the government to do something that even the protesters aren’t sure of. Truth is that people are protesting for different reasons, some people want the subsidy back, some people want the government to tackle the corruption that necessitated the removal of the subsidy, some people just like in the Arab spring have taken the final straw and the camel’s back has been broken. It is the standing up that is of essence in the movement, it is becoming a nation, a people that protest till they are worthy to have the government that they deserve.
This house has truly fallen. We are our own government: we provide our own electricity, we provide our own security, we provide our own healthcare, we provide our own education, we provide our own road networks, and now we are being asked to fully fund our own transportation. The fuel subsidy removal is merely just the straw that broke the camel’s back. As a nation we were already down, and people who are down cannot be afraid of a fall.
I do not call for a reversal of the subsidy removal, I think that is the last thing we need, a government that cannot stick to its seemingly informed decision. Instead I believe that we should ask the government to:
• Tighten their belts. We are happy to tighten ours if you tighten yours. And it is of no consequence to “in the year 2012 cut 25% of the salaries (not allowances) of executive government”
• Develop other industries. We have the best Iron Ore, Bitumen reserves in the world, Palm Oil, Cassava, Cashews, Gas, Quails Eggs, sooooo many things... I cannot think of another country that God has BLESSED with more resources than Nigeria. We allowed ourselves to be side railed by the discovery of oil, let us look back at the industries we ignored
• Improve Healthcare
• Improve the educational system, our minds are our best assets and we can achieve anything if we do not developed them, well educated people will produce a better government. Because after all a good president doesn’t come from heaven, he comes from amongst us
• Improve security so we do not feel unsafe even in our own homes
• Provide alternative transportation (not those 1600 buses for the entire nation), I’m talking about railways, metros, water transport, bicycles for rural populations
• ELECTRICITY, If we can no longer power our homes with petrol generators do something about the state of national power generation
• Develop refineries, even if they cannot alleviate the costs of petrol immediately we will feel better to know that in some 26 months we can look forward to cheaper petrol through subsidised production not consumption
• And most importantly CREATE jobs.
Let us #OCCUPYNIGERIA till we have the government we deserve!!!!!!!!!!!! A government that can provide us with the basics!!!!
xoxo.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Who Are You?
A friend of mine, who had joined the infamous moved back club but had to relinquish her membership because she got an irresistible job offer, was in Lagos recently for the Christmas holidays. I love her because she is an exaggerated version of me, melodramatic is an understatement. She told me about how London made her suicidal (melodramatic), and she just wanted to jump under the tube, everything about a world that we all once loved did her head in. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel, or shall I say at the end of the jubilee line. She talked about how she felt that she was living a REAL life in London, she was no longer conformed to living up to peoples expectations and perceptions of her the way she had to in Lagos. She could just be her, have her shortcomings and speak about them as opposed to do everything possible to hide them from everyone, she could admit to being a novice at her profession and in need of experience as opposed to "forming expert" to get any experience here.
True to form this got me thinking. Who are we? Are people really the persona that they are living up to in public, or is there something more to them, what are they hiding about themselves that they really needn't. I say this often, and the truth is I knicked it from my dad, he says it to me all the time: "perception is real, but perception isn't always reality". This rings so true in Lagos. People create a persona for themselves, a character, an image, intricate personality traits, a career, a lifestyle they want you to associate them with, a sense of confidence, a certain way of speaking, their bespoke humour....
The city is full of, for lack of a better word, wanna-be's, living out something they perceive to be better than what they are, making that perception the reality that others know them as. There are the people that think they are Lagos' answer to Chuck Bass and Serena Van der Woodson; those with larger than life personalities - when they walk into a room it is guaranteed to be swelling with laughter till the moment they step out; the cold as ice ladies who are more independent than the 4th of July armed with a stank attitude to mask the fact that all they really want is a man to be perpetually at their side; the chicks that cement over their deep insecurities about the way they look with NW45, blobs of glue and 3 inch lashes, 24 inch Mongolian tresses, nicely finished off with a red sole; those whose phonetics pass Queen Lizzies own to mask the fact that they only did their masters abroad, all previous education was in Nassarawa, the guys that go around with their heads in the air drenched in and high off their cologne induced entitlement, knowing fully well that before they sprayed it they felt pangs of loneliness, a feeling of unaccomplishment and failure; there are those that give Paris Hilton's social circle a run for their money - all their friends are the sons and daughters of Nigerias business moguls, they don't know what qualified them to be among but they are gonna walk the walk and talk the talk and nobody will ever know that their father is not the chairman of a big telecom company, or MD of a multinational oil and gas subsidiary, nor is he the owner of any money minting jetty; then finally (cause I could go on here) there are the career women and (chair)men who with prowes akin to that of Picaso paint jaw dropping images of their jobs and their particular position such that you would value the work of art more than you would Steve Jobs and Apple or even Coca-Cola. Lagos is a city pouring over with master actors and actresses, who unfortunately won't be walking away with any oscars, but perhaps if they're lucky a good conversation and a bunch of envious people, who will in turn master their own rendition of the performance to compete.
Perhaps it is my special gift, or the other film critics haven't blown their covers yet, but I can see far beyond the stellar performances into the real person, what they're hiding, the pain that drives the actor to give a great show, and it is far better than any charade. We are deeply afraid of our vulnerabilities, but it is really those vulnerabilities that make us BEAUTIFUL, they add character. It's the crack in the porcelain doll, the depth of character in it's soul that you see in it's eyes, the mistakes, regrets, memories, and shortcomings that can make it real and alive. The finely moulded masks are but clay, and even if nobody else knows it is a mask, you always will. Before the mask becomes your face carefully take it off, place it on your dresser table, discover WHO YOU REALLY ARE, and LOVE yourself enough to be yourself.
xoxo.
True to form this got me thinking. Who are we? Are people really the persona that they are living up to in public, or is there something more to them, what are they hiding about themselves that they really needn't. I say this often, and the truth is I knicked it from my dad, he says it to me all the time: "perception is real, but perception isn't always reality". This rings so true in Lagos. People create a persona for themselves, a character, an image, intricate personality traits, a career, a lifestyle they want you to associate them with, a sense of confidence, a certain way of speaking, their bespoke humour....
The city is full of, for lack of a better word, wanna-be's, living out something they perceive to be better than what they are, making that perception the reality that others know them as. There are the people that think they are Lagos' answer to Chuck Bass and Serena Van der Woodson; those with larger than life personalities - when they walk into a room it is guaranteed to be swelling with laughter till the moment they step out; the cold as ice ladies who are more independent than the 4th of July armed with a stank attitude to mask the fact that all they really want is a man to be perpetually at their side; the chicks that cement over their deep insecurities about the way they look with NW45, blobs of glue and 3 inch lashes, 24 inch Mongolian tresses, nicely finished off with a red sole; those whose phonetics pass Queen Lizzies own to mask the fact that they only did their masters abroad, all previous education was in Nassarawa, the guys that go around with their heads in the air drenched in and high off their cologne induced entitlement, knowing fully well that before they sprayed it they felt pangs of loneliness, a feeling of unaccomplishment and failure; there are those that give Paris Hilton's social circle a run for their money - all their friends are the sons and daughters of Nigerias business moguls, they don't know what qualified them to be among but they are gonna walk the walk and talk the talk and nobody will ever know that their father is not the chairman of a big telecom company, or MD of a multinational oil and gas subsidiary, nor is he the owner of any money minting jetty; then finally (cause I could go on here) there are the career women and (chair)men who with prowes akin to that of Picaso paint jaw dropping images of their jobs and their particular position such that you would value the work of art more than you would Steve Jobs and Apple or even Coca-Cola. Lagos is a city pouring over with master actors and actresses, who unfortunately won't be walking away with any oscars, but perhaps if they're lucky a good conversation and a bunch of envious people, who will in turn master their own rendition of the performance to compete.
Perhaps it is my special gift, or the other film critics haven't blown their covers yet, but I can see far beyond the stellar performances into the real person, what they're hiding, the pain that drives the actor to give a great show, and it is far better than any charade. We are deeply afraid of our vulnerabilities, but it is really those vulnerabilities that make us BEAUTIFUL, they add character. It's the crack in the porcelain doll, the depth of character in it's soul that you see in it's eyes, the mistakes, regrets, memories, and shortcomings that can make it real and alive. The finely moulded masks are but clay, and even if nobody else knows it is a mask, you always will. Before the mask becomes your face carefully take it off, place it on your dresser table, discover WHO YOU REALLY ARE, and LOVE yourself enough to be yourself.
xoxo.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Moved Back Club
Last year I blogged about the tourists that tend to invade our town this time every year. This year, however, it seems that the year end / festive season has crept up on me without the normal jitters, or slight anxiety with the knowledge that very soon Nail Place will be filled with the pleasant (or unpleasant, as the case may be) sounds of ‘fonetics’ in all shapes and sizes, the one that has “entered”, or the one that is still struggling to roll her r’s well, Bacchus will be teaming with young ladies in their belt-skirts (I believe they call those bodycon skirts), the queue at glover court will be days long. No this year it appears the change in the Lagos atmosphere will be but a slight one, since all the regular tourists have joined the “moved back club”.
Yes... “The moved back club”, if you no join am yet, make you pick race, space is running out, membership is no longer exclusive, na bronze card whey remain, no entry into the lounge.
The other day I was at the facial bar, while I was being pampered, I had the great pleasure of listening to a few girls outside in the reception, talking about the challenges they have faced since they MOVED BACK, “had to cut my facials to once a month”, “can’t keep up with the latest fashion trends”, “why do people keep asking me how my night was”...etc... and of course the entire conversation ends with “Well I have found to keep sane in this crazy city you have to get out as often as possible”. As I’m typing this I am cringing, because it sounds all too familiar.
As they spoke I remembered that my 3rd year anniversary with Lagos slipped by without my noticing, me and my city didn’t have a romantic dinner, exchange gifts, whisper sweet nothings, It was just another day. October 4th. In the first year we celebrated 1 week anniversaries, by the second I probably updated my status with something like “2 years in Lagos, and still standing” by the third I have to even beg people to believe that I can even blow grammer, let alone that I lived anywhere outside of Lagos. It got me thinking, Why do people have such pride in the fact that “Ah I’ve moved back o, been back a week”, It made me wonder if people hold onto their “moved back” status as some kind of validation, something to make them feel like they are somehow elite, among the cool crew, like they deserve extra praise and special treatment, an excuse to do whatever they like and claim it’s because they are in new territory, live without inhibitions, basking in the non-existent rays of their self awarded superiority.
I’m not bashing anybody here, because the truth is that back in the day I did it too, but as I have grown older, and wiser (if I say so myself), I see the futility of it all. This so called moved back club, whose members are meant to be the hope of Nigeria, bringing their western enlightenment, countless degrees, and the clout that comes with their privileged backgrounds to impact the society, have done nothing. I don’t know what everyone else sees, but I see that the roads are still the same, no industries have been transformed, the old wine skins still dominate our politics, people die daily from things as basic as childbirth, children go without an education. Nothing has changed. Yes the staff at Nail Place are getting bigger tips, Agip is filling bigger tanks, Heineken have launched the only beer that pops exclusively for this market, Champagne is being spilt like water, but the moved back club have added no real value to Nigeria.
So next time you are about to flash you platinum moved back club card, for fast track entry into the first class lounge, think about whether you have used it to do anything positive for your country
Food for thought
Xoxo.
Yes... “The moved back club”, if you no join am yet, make you pick race, space is running out, membership is no longer exclusive, na bronze card whey remain, no entry into the lounge.
The other day I was at the facial bar, while I was being pampered, I had the great pleasure of listening to a few girls outside in the reception, talking about the challenges they have faced since they MOVED BACK, “had to cut my facials to once a month”, “can’t keep up with the latest fashion trends”, “why do people keep asking me how my night was”...etc... and of course the entire conversation ends with “Well I have found to keep sane in this crazy city you have to get out as often as possible”. As I’m typing this I am cringing, because it sounds all too familiar.
As they spoke I remembered that my 3rd year anniversary with Lagos slipped by without my noticing, me and my city didn’t have a romantic dinner, exchange gifts, whisper sweet nothings, It was just another day. October 4th. In the first year we celebrated 1 week anniversaries, by the second I probably updated my status with something like “2 years in Lagos, and still standing” by the third I have to even beg people to believe that I can even blow grammer, let alone that I lived anywhere outside of Lagos. It got me thinking, Why do people have such pride in the fact that “Ah I’ve moved back o, been back a week”, It made me wonder if people hold onto their “moved back” status as some kind of validation, something to make them feel like they are somehow elite, among the cool crew, like they deserve extra praise and special treatment, an excuse to do whatever they like and claim it’s because they are in new territory, live without inhibitions, basking in the non-existent rays of their self awarded superiority.
I’m not bashing anybody here, because the truth is that back in the day I did it too, but as I have grown older, and wiser (if I say so myself), I see the futility of it all. This so called moved back club, whose members are meant to be the hope of Nigeria, bringing their western enlightenment, countless degrees, and the clout that comes with their privileged backgrounds to impact the society, have done nothing. I don’t know what everyone else sees, but I see that the roads are still the same, no industries have been transformed, the old wine skins still dominate our politics, people die daily from things as basic as childbirth, children go without an education. Nothing has changed. Yes the staff at Nail Place are getting bigger tips, Agip is filling bigger tanks, Heineken have launched the only beer that pops exclusively for this market, Champagne is being spilt like water, but the moved back club have added no real value to Nigeria.
So next time you are about to flash you platinum moved back club card, for fast track entry into the first class lounge, think about whether you have used it to do anything positive for your country
Food for thought
Xoxo.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Ladi{Poe}
I'm gonna let you in on something BIGGGGG.
Ladi{Poe} ... He's all that and a bag of chips!!! This is what music should be about!!!
Check "Get Me Home" out
http://www.lasgiditunes.com/song.php?id=1410
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
#Thankful
This post is a little late, I have been meaning to write it for nearly a month, but just haven’t been able to squeeze out the time.
This Sunday I had the opportunity to go to this Carol Service of 9 lessons, I guess this is something that people from the Anglican or Catholic Church are quite familiar with, but being Pentecostal it was pretty new to me. For those that do not know, this carol service is an annual initiative of the Nigerian Society for the Blind, they take the carol service to a different church every year. To begin with, I must admit, that I was not best pleased when I walked into church on Sunday morning to see that we’d be on our feet singing carols for an hour plus. But something struck me after about the 2nd carol, the actual joy, happiness, and gratitude that emanated from the “blind choir” (for lack of better terminology). In the midst of their misfortune and disability they still had joy. I am told that these choristers were all once able to see, but without any notice, in the middle of their very successful careers, they lost their sight. Some were lawyers, others bankers, chemists, students, etc. But their reality is now one of abject darkness.
Till Sunday I definitely took my sight for granted, seeing has always been something that I never considered a blessing, but that along with the many other things that we take for granted are not our rights to have, we have done nothing special to deserve many of the things that we have, so we must remain ever thankful to He who in his mercy gave us such blessings. In the midst of our very REAL needs, misfortune, and lack we must take the time out to count our blessings.
Here are some of the things that I am thankful for:
#Life – Many people go to sleep and just do not wake up in the morning, people die daily from cancer, lack of clean water kills many in Africa, yet I still stand
#Sight – The ability to behold the beauty that God has created is not a privilege that all enjoy
#Hearing – I love music, I love to hear the voices of the people I love, and I am grateful that I have that privilege
#Health – Not only am I alive, but I am not injecting myself daily with anything, I am not on a drip or any permanent medication
#Family – If I had a choice I could not pick better brothers than the ones I have, more caring and generous parents than my parents, and a great extended family that encourage me with their words and deeds
#Friends – Great friends make all the difference in Lagos, I may not have many but I appreciate and love all the ones that I do have, even if I don’t say it often, or act like it I really do
#Laughter – Laughter is medicine to the soul, I am thankful that I have a sense of humour, and I am surrounded with people that make me laugh
#Education – My mind is my greatest asset, and I am grateful that I have had an opportunity to enlighten it
#Accommodation – I am grateful for a roof over my head, I always complain that I don’t have enough wardrobe space, but there are many here in Lagos that have never ever had a bed of their own, a bathroom, let alone wardrobe space
#His Image – God created me in “his image”, and absolutely everything about me is beautiful, I may not see it all the time, others may not even see it at all, but it is a fact, We are all beautiful!!!!!
#Comfort – I am VERYYYYYY far from the richest person in the world or even my little corner of Lagos, but I am thankful that I am comfortable, I do not lack for the bare necessities of life and I even have a few perks
#Mentors – the saying goes “success has many fathers, but defeat is an orphan” I am extremely thankful that I have many exemplary people around me that I can learn from, that share with me their mistakes, pass on their tested strategies, and guide me through my own rough patches
This list can really go on for ages, because I am thankful for sooooooooooo much in my life, so I am going to jump to the last and the MOST IMPORTANT. I am thankful for...
...#Gods unconditional love – In my past failings, my present struggle, and my future shortcomings, one thing has and always will be constant God’s love. Words cannot express how thankful I am that no matter who I am and what I do, my future is guaranteed because of His love. If that doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what will.
I suggest that in any spare minute you have today, you take the time out to write a list of all the things that you are thankful for, this small act will show us how blessed we are and how much we take for granted, whilst we concentrate on what we don’t have.
Xoxo.
This Sunday I had the opportunity to go to this Carol Service of 9 lessons, I guess this is something that people from the Anglican or Catholic Church are quite familiar with, but being Pentecostal it was pretty new to me. For those that do not know, this carol service is an annual initiative of the Nigerian Society for the Blind, they take the carol service to a different church every year. To begin with, I must admit, that I was not best pleased when I walked into church on Sunday morning to see that we’d be on our feet singing carols for an hour plus. But something struck me after about the 2nd carol, the actual joy, happiness, and gratitude that emanated from the “blind choir” (for lack of better terminology). In the midst of their misfortune and disability they still had joy. I am told that these choristers were all once able to see, but without any notice, in the middle of their very successful careers, they lost their sight. Some were lawyers, others bankers, chemists, students, etc. But their reality is now one of abject darkness.
Till Sunday I definitely took my sight for granted, seeing has always been something that I never considered a blessing, but that along with the many other things that we take for granted are not our rights to have, we have done nothing special to deserve many of the things that we have, so we must remain ever thankful to He who in his mercy gave us such blessings. In the midst of our very REAL needs, misfortune, and lack we must take the time out to count our blessings.
Here are some of the things that I am thankful for:
#Life – Many people go to sleep and just do not wake up in the morning, people die daily from cancer, lack of clean water kills many in Africa, yet I still stand
#Sight – The ability to behold the beauty that God has created is not a privilege that all enjoy
#Hearing – I love music, I love to hear the voices of the people I love, and I am grateful that I have that privilege
#Health – Not only am I alive, but I am not injecting myself daily with anything, I am not on a drip or any permanent medication
#Family – If I had a choice I could not pick better brothers than the ones I have, more caring and generous parents than my parents, and a great extended family that encourage me with their words and deeds
#Friends – Great friends make all the difference in Lagos, I may not have many but I appreciate and love all the ones that I do have, even if I don’t say it often, or act like it I really do
#Laughter – Laughter is medicine to the soul, I am thankful that I have a sense of humour, and I am surrounded with people that make me laugh
#Education – My mind is my greatest asset, and I am grateful that I have had an opportunity to enlighten it
#Accommodation – I am grateful for a roof over my head, I always complain that I don’t have enough wardrobe space, but there are many here in Lagos that have never ever had a bed of their own, a bathroom, let alone wardrobe space
#His Image – God created me in “his image”, and absolutely everything about me is beautiful, I may not see it all the time, others may not even see it at all, but it is a fact, We are all beautiful!!!!!
#Comfort – I am VERYYYYYY far from the richest person in the world or even my little corner of Lagos, but I am thankful that I am comfortable, I do not lack for the bare necessities of life and I even have a few perks
#Mentors – the saying goes “success has many fathers, but defeat is an orphan” I am extremely thankful that I have many exemplary people around me that I can learn from, that share with me their mistakes, pass on their tested strategies, and guide me through my own rough patches
This list can really go on for ages, because I am thankful for sooooooooooo much in my life, so I am going to jump to the last and the MOST IMPORTANT. I am thankful for...
...#Gods unconditional love – In my past failings, my present struggle, and my future shortcomings, one thing has and always will be constant God’s love. Words cannot express how thankful I am that no matter who I am and what I do, my future is guaranteed because of His love. If that doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what will.
I suggest that in any spare minute you have today, you take the time out to write a list of all the things that you are thankful for, this small act will show us how blessed we are and how much we take for granted, whilst we concentrate on what we don’t have.
Xoxo.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine (my namesake ;-)), about friendships, knowing when to let go, etc, etc, and I remembered a message that my cousin sent me a year ago, which I saved because it rang so true:
“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed – to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you guidance and support, to aid you physically or emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you want them to be, then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, walk away, or do something to make you take a stand. We must realise that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, and their work is DONE, and it’s time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you never knew, and they bring us an unusual amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships, teach you lifetime lessons, things that you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”
When we realise that people come into our life for: a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and when we know which one it is, we will know how to treat the person and free ourselves of the burden of worrying about what we could’ve done to make friends stay, or feeling guilt for growing out of a friendship. The key is to realise what we have learnt from the friendships and relationships that we have had. What we have learnt about ourselves, and what experiences we have had in our relationships that have helped us grow, taught us new things, and made us see the side of the coin that we never considered.
However hard it may have been to let go at the time, in hindsight I do not regret any of my friendships, because I have taken out the time to classify all my friendships, and I know what I have learnt about myself and about life from all the people that I am no longer as close to as I used to be. I truly believe that holding on to people for sentimental reasons when they have served their “purpose” in your life would inevitably be more painful than letting them go when it is time to.
While I think that this is true about all friendships and relationships in general, I read somewhere once (don’t remember where, but I stored it in my head), that men treat friendship like the sun, its existence not disputed, but its radiance best enjoyed from a distance. Couldn’t have put it better, sometimes some friendships are best enjoyed from a distance, and you can go out onto your lounge chair for a tan when you are feeling a bit pale.
xoxo.
“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed – to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you guidance and support, to aid you physically or emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you want them to be, then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, walk away, or do something to make you take a stand. We must realise that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, and their work is DONE, and it’s time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you never knew, and they bring us an unusual amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships, teach you lifetime lessons, things that you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”
When we realise that people come into our life for: a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and when we know which one it is, we will know how to treat the person and free ourselves of the burden of worrying about what we could’ve done to make friends stay, or feeling guilt for growing out of a friendship. The key is to realise what we have learnt from the friendships and relationships that we have had. What we have learnt about ourselves, and what experiences we have had in our relationships that have helped us grow, taught us new things, and made us see the side of the coin that we never considered.
However hard it may have been to let go at the time, in hindsight I do not regret any of my friendships, because I have taken out the time to classify all my friendships, and I know what I have learnt about myself and about life from all the people that I am no longer as close to as I used to be. I truly believe that holding on to people for sentimental reasons when they have served their “purpose” in your life would inevitably be more painful than letting them go when it is time to.
While I think that this is true about all friendships and relationships in general, I read somewhere once (don’t remember where, but I stored it in my head), that men treat friendship like the sun, its existence not disputed, but its radiance best enjoyed from a distance. Couldn’t have put it better, sometimes some friendships are best enjoyed from a distance, and you can go out onto your lounge chair for a tan when you are feeling a bit pale.
xoxo.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Lions
It’s quite interesting to note that in Nature a Lion never mates with anything other than a Lion. You will never find a Lion, the king of the animal kingdom, mating with a kitten or any other feeble feline animal; it will only ever mate with another LION. As basic as the concept may seem, All animals – human, canine, feline, reptile, whatever classifications you may have, will only ever mate with its own (well these days some people are sick sha – but in general that theory upholds).
Where am I going with this...
Well, lately I have found the conversation at dinner tables, drinks, and other social gatherings inevitably always ends up with a heated or composed (depending on what kinda circles you roll with, my circles go heated) discussion on what the role of a woman in society is, in marriage, how independent can you be and still fit in with Nigerian culture (and even biblical principles) of subservience, the threat of extinction for the independent woman if she truly wants to get married, how the powerful businessman is only looking for a trophy wife to sit at home bear children, get her nails, hair and eyelashes “did” so that she looks breathtaking standing next to him at his upcoming IBA conference.
It all got me thinking, is there a balance, is subservience the only way, knowing what culture presumes, churches preach, the Qur’an dictates, how much can women get away with, is there a balance between achieving your own goals and giving in to your female instincts, yada, yada, yada. I gave it some thought sha, didn’t lose any sleep, then one day the answer, (well my answer, because my philosophy is no hard and fast rule) was staring me in the face. Lions.
I shall try to avoid a biology lesson, especially as I am an amateur when it comes to the study of Lions. A lion the tallest of all living cats, typically described as the king of the animal kingdom, is a powerful animal, that stalks its prey with the decisive focus and precision that always results in success. Undoubtedly the Lion is feared by all other cats and is the crème de la crème of its genus. A lion will always mate with a Lioness. However powerful a tiger may be, no matter its feline prowess, sophistication, delicacy, cunning, what have you, it will never be candidate to mate with a Lion. Much in the same way a powerful, intelligent, successful, driven, cultured, well-mannered, handsome (if you like) man will only be attracted to his kind. In other words: Obama will only be attracted to a Michelle. While a Michelle may not display the raw characteristics of a lion, because she is a lioness, yet she possesses the innate characteristics of a lion, those characteristics that Nigerian women are afraid to show for fear of scaring away potential suitors – independence, hard work, dedication, unwavering support, out-of-the box thinking, and the list goes on. I don’t know about you but when a lioness roars, I go “pick race”, with the same speed and fear for my life as I would if it were a Lion, both na the same thing.
Just in case I have not made may my point clear enough – If you are an independent, confident, mentally strong (not strong headed), dedicated, hardworking, intelligent, excellence oriented woman with personal goals driven to succeed, then you needn’t worry about lacking the adequate husband, scaring the men away, because a lioness attracts another lion, and iron sharpens iron. That being said, a lioness still respects her lion, submits to his will, and uses her lion-characteristics to sharpen, challenge and ultimately build his own.
If you want a Lion, become a Lioness.
Yes I have totally ignored the fact that I haven’t blogged in a while: “Na condition wey make crayfish bend”
xoxo.
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