After spending the best part of the last week writing one post to no avail, I decided to give up and write about something else. Please accept this as an apology for my recent silence.
My advance apologies to the Igbo’s, Hausa’s, and other of the many different tribes and ethnic groups we have in Nigeria reading this post if I cannot do this topic justice with my very limited understanding of your cultures. The culture I have the most exposure to is the Yoruba one and most of my ideas about the Nigerian culture are directly linked to that.
Unfortunately (it really does bleed my heart) I never had the opportunity to do a Nigerian history or Nigerian geography lesson, let alone learn any of the different languages or cultures that we as Nigerians can boast of. I try my hardest to read as much as I can and catch up on all the lost lessons, field trips etc. All history books, videos, documentaries etc are welcome as Easter presents.
When I moved to Lagos, it didn’t take longer than a week for my knees to hit the dust. After being cautioned that a kiss on the cheek, and a good afternoon or good morning depending on the time of day will not suffice because “awa Yoruba, a se be”, it’s just not done. Before long I was “kunle-ing” for everyone just to avoid being told that I had no manners. I am sure my mother is cringing reading this, so just to calm her nerves I should point out that she did teach me these things, of course I knew I had to curtsey to older people, just not to every Tom, Dick and Harry with a speck of grey hair and an exaggerated opinion of themselves as an ‘elder’, ‘superior’ to you. As alien as ‘curtseying’ was to me, I have since discovered far more peculiar things. To mention but a few:
• People are “honouring you” by showing up uninvited to your home fully expecting to be entertained, fed, and to take awoof to their family members that couldn’t make the trip
• It’s apparently not weird for people to wake up in the morning and decide that they are gonna send you a bag full of oranges or apples or some other fruit, for no reason. I don’t eat those things. I watched snow white and the seven dwarfs, I cannot rationalise the sending of fruits.
• Buying a wedding gift for the bride and groom is unnecessary, instead get a ton of plastic buckets and put stickers on it that say “Sumbo hooks Toks” (or whoever hooks whoever as the case may be) to give out to wedding guests who may not actually know who the bride and groom are, but they came for the star and puff puff.
• Aso-ebi. I understand this one somehow but at the same time I don’t understand it. Why must everyone wear uniform to display allegiance and loyalty to the people doing the party (yes yorubas wear aso ebi for everything – wedding, birthday, funeral, naming ceremony, you name it). It is an EPIC waste of money. After 2.5 years I already have a whole section of my wardrobe full of buba and iro, funny dresses, in god-awful materials that I will never wear again, and I dare you to find someone more selective than me in the events I attend.
• My mum always says to me “If you don’t go to theirs they won’t come to yours”.... there is an extremely strong sense of community. If your half brothers, wife’s cousin’s, step son is doing a house dedication in Taraba state (you have to go by road, and there are no hotels so you have to kip in the car), you had better be there for fear that when you are washing your first Pajero he may not attend. And when you go, you must go hard, with your plastic buckets personalised for the event in your Sunday best, wedding gele ... I have an aunt (RS) that says even if the celebrant doesn’t want to dress well, she will still go looking her best, regardless of whether she is out-dressing them.
• Over the top curtsey. My brothers can attest to this, but if my mum is calling someone say to ask for the name of a shop or something. She will first “greet” the person. E ka le, Eku ata ro de le, eku joko, eku dide, eku **fill in the blanks**. Everything she can greet them for doing that day she will first do that for 30 mins before she finally lands with her question. All I can say is: I wish I was MTN if a 2 second phone call takes 35 minutes.
• Etc etc
Though I have really just painted the Yoruba culture in a negative light, I don’t think it is, It’s weird granted, but the point I’m making is that it’s different. Much as I expect that there are certain weird things that Igbo people do, that Itshekiri people do, that Calabar people do, and they are very different from the way things are done in the west. It is extremely sad and unfortunate that as Nigerians we are becoming less appreciative of the wealth of culture and tradition that we have. We do not document it, we don’t celebrate it, and an increasing number of people don’t pass it on to their kids.
As I mentioned earlier my education even while I lived in Nigeria was British through and through, I have (had) no idea about what makes our culture unique and worthy of our pride, and there are many more like me. Fortunately my eves dropping was worthwhile and I understand and when in the right environment I can speak Yoruba but my brothers don’t, I have many cousins and family friends who don’t and this is completely unacceptable. When the videos of the American student in Ibadan learning to speak Yoruba were doing the rounds, many people (Yoruba people) couldn’t watch the sequels because they did not have subtitles. This typifies the Nigerian situation, It is always a foreigner that is keen to learn, document, popularise what is ours. I do not blame the ‘youngsters’, I blame those that never passed it onto them. I challenge you to find an Indian or Chinese person that can’t speak their language even if they have never been to their countries; they and their forefathers are proud of their heritage and fought to keep it alive.
I think until we know our culture, love our culture all our efforts to preserve or better what we call Nigeria are pointless, because we don’t know what we are fighting to keep alive.
xoxo.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Heart of Man
The good book says, and I am not entirely sure where, that “The heart of man is desperately wicked”. When my brother asked me to give him my opinion on an essay he had to write for some psychology class he opted to take at uni, I think the title was “all human acts are driven by selfish desire” that was the first thing that popped into my head. The heart of man is desperately wicked.
So of course after a lot of deliberation, I responded to him: yep, I totally agree, most of the things we do as humans is to satisfy our selfish desires, the things we want, the things we want to happen, because as I pointed out we were all created that way, with wicked and selfish desires. Except of course we make a conscious effort not to be. I’m going to back pedal a bit here, and correct myself, or justify myself: our natural inclination is to act selfishly, but we can decide to take a stand and do what is out of character, nice, kind, sefless.
Everytime I drive in Lagos, I’m in the car alone, I see the worst form / version of me possible. I have road rage, I am always screaming at people that can’t hear me, pedestrians that cross the road as though they left their house in the morning and vowed to themselves not to return alive, okadas that believe they are immortal or are in a rush hour sequel and drive anyhow, lorry drivers that are already dead, so they don’t care what happens to other road users. I act crazzzzy. Sometimes I actually stop all the screaming and think to myself, what is wrong with you. Why do I behave this way? I think that a Lagos road at rush hour is the best way to understand the average Nigerian person, and the behaviour of that average Nigerian person boils my blood to the point of explosion.
The Average Nigerian is SELFISH; the average Nigerian has a hard heart; and the average Nigerian is bitter about something - be it the fact he has to do that drive, or the nasty place of work that he is driving to, or even the car he has to drive. Just the way people give you death stares when you are trying to merge into their lanes on that Alfred Rewane bridge or the way they hurl abuse at you when you cut in front of them even when you have the right of way. People are just selfish, angry, bitter, and WICKED. It just makes me wonder if they are that way because they are a product of their environment, or is the environment, Lagos, Nigeria, the way it is because we have these kinds of people in it. It’s one of those: “what came first the egg or the chicken” debates.
What came first the selfish Nigerian, or the downtrodden Nigeria? It goes around in circles, because people don’t have the bare necessities in life, things that are the duty of their country to provide its citizens we breed more and more selfish people that have to provide those things for themselves, but in the same vein it took a selfish person or a selfish group of people for the country to fall to the depths that it is at currently. Whichever came first, the attitude people have stinks, and the enabling social and economic environment stinks too.
Dipo O said after reading some of these posts that I seem to have an up one day and down one day opinion of Lagos. This is verrrrrrrrry true; my relationship with Lagos is completely schizophrenic. Sometimes I love it, and other times I just want to disappear, the people do my head in, and the inefficiencies grind on my last nerve. So it may be hard, and though it is in my base nature to be selfish, and wicked, and think only of myself, today I will make MORE of a conscious effort to do what is for the greater good, not just what is for my good. I hope everybody else will take a leaf from my book, because the truth is that just as every journey to greatness takes just one step, the journey to changing the selfish mindset of ‘the Nigerian’ just takes individuals making a conscious effort to be selfless.
Xoxo.
So of course after a lot of deliberation, I responded to him: yep, I totally agree, most of the things we do as humans is to satisfy our selfish desires, the things we want, the things we want to happen, because as I pointed out we were all created that way, with wicked and selfish desires. Except of course we make a conscious effort not to be. I’m going to back pedal a bit here, and correct myself, or justify myself: our natural inclination is to act selfishly, but we can decide to take a stand and do what is out of character, nice, kind, sefless.
Everytime I drive in Lagos, I’m in the car alone, I see the worst form / version of me possible. I have road rage, I am always screaming at people that can’t hear me, pedestrians that cross the road as though they left their house in the morning and vowed to themselves not to return alive, okadas that believe they are immortal or are in a rush hour sequel and drive anyhow, lorry drivers that are already dead, so they don’t care what happens to other road users. I act crazzzzy. Sometimes I actually stop all the screaming and think to myself, what is wrong with you. Why do I behave this way? I think that a Lagos road at rush hour is the best way to understand the average Nigerian person, and the behaviour of that average Nigerian person boils my blood to the point of explosion.
The Average Nigerian is SELFISH; the average Nigerian has a hard heart; and the average Nigerian is bitter about something - be it the fact he has to do that drive, or the nasty place of work that he is driving to, or even the car he has to drive. Just the way people give you death stares when you are trying to merge into their lanes on that Alfred Rewane bridge or the way they hurl abuse at you when you cut in front of them even when you have the right of way. People are just selfish, angry, bitter, and WICKED. It just makes me wonder if they are that way because they are a product of their environment, or is the environment, Lagos, Nigeria, the way it is because we have these kinds of people in it. It’s one of those: “what came first the egg or the chicken” debates.
What came first the selfish Nigerian, or the downtrodden Nigeria? It goes around in circles, because people don’t have the bare necessities in life, things that are the duty of their country to provide its citizens we breed more and more selfish people that have to provide those things for themselves, but in the same vein it took a selfish person or a selfish group of people for the country to fall to the depths that it is at currently. Whichever came first, the attitude people have stinks, and the enabling social and economic environment stinks too.
Dipo O said after reading some of these posts that I seem to have an up one day and down one day opinion of Lagos. This is verrrrrrrrry true; my relationship with Lagos is completely schizophrenic. Sometimes I love it, and other times I just want to disappear, the people do my head in, and the inefficiencies grind on my last nerve. So it may be hard, and though it is in my base nature to be selfish, and wicked, and think only of myself, today I will make MORE of a conscious effort to do what is for the greater good, not just what is for my good. I hope everybody else will take a leaf from my book, because the truth is that just as every journey to greatness takes just one step, the journey to changing the selfish mindset of ‘the Nigerian’ just takes individuals making a conscious effort to be selfless.
Xoxo.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Everybody's Nightmare
Ever heard the saying: “Every woman’s nightmare is becoming their mother, and every man’s nightmare is marrying his mother”. Funny that it is described as a nightmare, when it is actually an inevitability. However hard you fight it, it’s gonna happen, so I suggest you don’t bother.
It took me a long time to write this post cause I knew my mum was gonna be reading it, but then I thought again, it’s actually not a bad thing. I honestly can’t think of a stronger woman in the world than my mother, so if that is the path that I am going along then I guess I will be happy with the end result. Take no offense mum (and god mothers), because I mean none ... it’s just a saying
Ads (my brother) is always teasing me, when I say certain things or force him to do things ... he always responds “Yes mum”, not so much because I’m bossy, but because I say exactly what my mum would say, react like she would, all without consciously doing so. But slowly and surely I am turning into her, well like 25%, but I think it’s a slippery slope from here on in. I expect that my kids will moan and complain about the same things that I do to or about her.
A couple of months ago I was getting feedback on my ‘leadership style’, a sort of informal, verbal performance review, and when the reviewer was describing my leadership style all I thought was, this guy is obviously crazy, he is describing my mother’s leadership style, of course I am nothing like this. Then I thought hang on, he hasn’t ever met her, so clearly I have become her, or always have been her and I never realised. I realised that I have noticed this about so many people, they eventually become their mothers, or date their mothers, though they complain bitterly about how their mother always moans about their unkempt hair (my hair is stylishly dishevelled), untidy room (my room is a tidy mess), their ill developed culinary skills (that one is for you oz), but somewhere along the line they become that, or they find that moaning quality desirable in a spouse. Ever so gradually, it’s so gradual that you don’t realise till one day “like film trick” you are like chai I have the same personality traits, the same things grind on my nerves, the same simple things make me happy.
I wonder though why this happens. Is it something that you are genetically programmed to do. Or is it the fact that you have such a large exposure to this one person that eventually you think their way is the only way, or when you get married your household needs those qualities that your mother brought to your household as a child. It works the other way round too, most men become their fathers, and most women marry their fathers. So is it nature or nurture. I don’t know the answer, but what I do know is that fighting it is futile.... YOU WILL BECOME YOUR MOTHER, OR YOU WILL MARRY YOUR MOTHER. That much I can attest to. *straight face*
Fortunately I think my mother and my father are great so becoming them or marrying someone like them is not such an ill fate for me. ( ;-) – I don’t want anything mum, and dad, my tank may need a bit of a top up though *batting my eyelashes*)
Xoxo.
It took me a long time to write this post cause I knew my mum was gonna be reading it, but then I thought again, it’s actually not a bad thing. I honestly can’t think of a stronger woman in the world than my mother, so if that is the path that I am going along then I guess I will be happy with the end result. Take no offense mum (and god mothers), because I mean none ... it’s just a saying
Ads (my brother) is always teasing me, when I say certain things or force him to do things ... he always responds “Yes mum”, not so much because I’m bossy, but because I say exactly what my mum would say, react like she would, all without consciously doing so. But slowly and surely I am turning into her, well like 25%, but I think it’s a slippery slope from here on in. I expect that my kids will moan and complain about the same things that I do to or about her.
A couple of months ago I was getting feedback on my ‘leadership style’, a sort of informal, verbal performance review, and when the reviewer was describing my leadership style all I thought was, this guy is obviously crazy, he is describing my mother’s leadership style, of course I am nothing like this. Then I thought hang on, he hasn’t ever met her, so clearly I have become her, or always have been her and I never realised. I realised that I have noticed this about so many people, they eventually become their mothers, or date their mothers, though they complain bitterly about how their mother always moans about their unkempt hair (my hair is stylishly dishevelled), untidy room (my room is a tidy mess), their ill developed culinary skills (that one is for you oz), but somewhere along the line they become that, or they find that moaning quality desirable in a spouse. Ever so gradually, it’s so gradual that you don’t realise till one day “like film trick” you are like chai I have the same personality traits, the same things grind on my nerves, the same simple things make me happy.
I wonder though why this happens. Is it something that you are genetically programmed to do. Or is it the fact that you have such a large exposure to this one person that eventually you think their way is the only way, or when you get married your household needs those qualities that your mother brought to your household as a child. It works the other way round too, most men become their fathers, and most women marry their fathers. So is it nature or nurture. I don’t know the answer, but what I do know is that fighting it is futile.... YOU WILL BECOME YOUR MOTHER, OR YOU WILL MARRY YOUR MOTHER. That much I can attest to. *straight face*
Fortunately I think my mother and my father are great so becoming them or marrying someone like them is not such an ill fate for me. ( ;-) – I don’t want anything mum, and dad, my tank may need a bit of a top up though *batting my eyelashes*)
Xoxo.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lights, Camera, HOLLYWOOD.
As though Nigerians need a reason to get dolled up, and feel important, feel like they are the pivot around which the entire world rotates. Lagos was swept over with fashion week fever. Bright Lights, Camera Flashes, Fashion week turned Lagos to HOLYWOOD. Certainly that’s what everyone thought in their heads.
On Friday morning Bellanaija tweeted a link to look at the photos of day 1 (Thursday) of the fashion week, or weekend. And I was kinda shocked, people were wearing jeans, t-shirts, flip flops, nobody was wearing ball gowns with stone studded Gina shoes. I know there were no shows on Thursday, but it is still so unlike Nigerians to arrive at any “event” where there will be cameras without completely overdoing the dressing. Little did I know that they were all resting the balls of their feet, priming their faces for the foundation they were going to ‘cake on’, glued on eyelashes they were about to ‘fix’. Come Friday, Sunglasses at night, Hollywood pouts, stilts for shoes (yes i’m guilty – but I kinda love being taller than everyone, shhhh), fan eyelashes, belts for skirts, orishi rishi sha. People were really out to dazzle. Everyone was sitting on top of the world. It was fashion week, they had every reason to. People that don’t know Christian Lacroix from Christian Louboutin morphed into arbiters of fashion, running commentary on the collections, hailing designers, dissing them, talking about which model was just too fat to be on the runway, the ones that walked like they had just taken some strong sleeping pills and were sleepwalking down the catwalk. HOLYWOOD
I think that this is a good time to admit that I have a burning passion for bridging the gap between the rich and the poor and empowering the poor through a better education and equal opportunities. It personally offends me when people spend lavishly while others can’t even afford a loaf of bread. So as much as I did enjoy fashion week (what I was able to attend), it struck me that while for an entire weekend a group of people were living large whilst to the left of Federal Palace along the bridge and into Marina, Lagos Island, people were living extremely impoverished lives. It made me feel slightly guilty.
I agree that the same upholds in the rest of the world, Hollywood does Hollywood while people not so far away aren’t as privileged. But the gaps in the ‘developed world’ just aren’t as large, there is social welfare to ensure that the poorest in a community get accommodation, food stamps, a free education as good as a private one, and OPPORTUNITY to achieve what an affluent person might if he was prepared to work hard for it. The fashion industry in Nigeria is one that I am incredibly proud of, the shows I saw were great, inspiring, I was truly blown away by a lot of collections and the wealth of talent that we have in Africa, there are definitely a bunch of people I will be looking out for, stalking, googling the hell out of. But I think as the fashion industry is blossoming, we should not forget that as with other economies as the rich get richer the poor should get richer too. Let’s not get so consumed with our selfish (or perhaps vain is more apt) desires to look fabulous, own the most beautiful things, we should also drive to empower the poor. So that as we sit in our air conditioned tents coveting clothes worth thousands of pounds, that the less privileged will have clothes on their backs, schools to attend and a future to look forward to.
I hate to turn something fun into something gloomy, but as the lights shine, the cameras flash, the action is queued in for some people, lights are dimming for others and the futures they have to look forward to.
Xoxo.
Congratulations to GREY for a fabulous show :)
On Friday morning Bellanaija tweeted a link to look at the photos of day 1 (Thursday) of the fashion week, or weekend. And I was kinda shocked, people were wearing jeans, t-shirts, flip flops, nobody was wearing ball gowns with stone studded Gina shoes. I know there were no shows on Thursday, but it is still so unlike Nigerians to arrive at any “event” where there will be cameras without completely overdoing the dressing. Little did I know that they were all resting the balls of their feet, priming their faces for the foundation they were going to ‘cake on’, glued on eyelashes they were about to ‘fix’. Come Friday, Sunglasses at night, Hollywood pouts, stilts for shoes (yes i’m guilty – but I kinda love being taller than everyone, shhhh), fan eyelashes, belts for skirts, orishi rishi sha. People were really out to dazzle. Everyone was sitting on top of the world. It was fashion week, they had every reason to. People that don’t know Christian Lacroix from Christian Louboutin morphed into arbiters of fashion, running commentary on the collections, hailing designers, dissing them, talking about which model was just too fat to be on the runway, the ones that walked like they had just taken some strong sleeping pills and were sleepwalking down the catwalk. HOLYWOOD
I think that this is a good time to admit that I have a burning passion for bridging the gap between the rich and the poor and empowering the poor through a better education and equal opportunities. It personally offends me when people spend lavishly while others can’t even afford a loaf of bread. So as much as I did enjoy fashion week (what I was able to attend), it struck me that while for an entire weekend a group of people were living large whilst to the left of Federal Palace along the bridge and into Marina, Lagos Island, people were living extremely impoverished lives. It made me feel slightly guilty.
I agree that the same upholds in the rest of the world, Hollywood does Hollywood while people not so far away aren’t as privileged. But the gaps in the ‘developed world’ just aren’t as large, there is social welfare to ensure that the poorest in a community get accommodation, food stamps, a free education as good as a private one, and OPPORTUNITY to achieve what an affluent person might if he was prepared to work hard for it. The fashion industry in Nigeria is one that I am incredibly proud of, the shows I saw were great, inspiring, I was truly blown away by a lot of collections and the wealth of talent that we have in Africa, there are definitely a bunch of people I will be looking out for, stalking, googling the hell out of. But I think as the fashion industry is blossoming, we should not forget that as with other economies as the rich get richer the poor should get richer too. Let’s not get so consumed with our selfish (or perhaps vain is more apt) desires to look fabulous, own the most beautiful things, we should also drive to empower the poor. So that as we sit in our air conditioned tents coveting clothes worth thousands of pounds, that the less privileged will have clothes on their backs, schools to attend and a future to look forward to.
I hate to turn something fun into something gloomy, but as the lights shine, the cameras flash, the action is queued in for some people, lights are dimming for others and the futures they have to look forward to.
Xoxo.
Congratulations to GREY for a fabulous show :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
"Where Will You Press Your Hand"
Many of us may already have heard the directive from a very senior member of the PDP "team" (for lack of a better word), to press our hand on “h-umbllerra”. “Presidency h-umbllerra” “C-nator h-umbllerra” “House of Assembly h-umbllerra” “From the top to the lower one h-umbllerra, h-umbllerra throughout”
But on a serious note, "where will Nigerians press their hand" come April 9th? I must be honest with myself and with everyone else, the quality of our candidates is exceptionally poor, and the decision on "where to press your hand" is very difficult.
The 2011 elections are my first in Nigeria, and as such I was extremely excited about the prospects of the elections. To me it represented a chance for us to wipe the slate clean and select who we as a Nation believed could lead the country to its glory days, to the things we all dream about for Nigeria, but are yet to see realised. It gave me HOPE, that after all the rubbish we have seen in the 2 and a half years that I have lived here will come to a head in 2011 when we vote in the president that we want. However I neglected to acknowledge the fact that we can only vote in a good president, if a good president presents himself for election.
I make bold to say that though the candidates we have, offer a lot more than the candidates we have had in the past, they are still sub standard. I will give honour where honour is due, but where it is being bestowed unduly I believe we should also be cautioned.
I am not writing to chastise, and moan about our candidates, but rather to encourage the good Nigerians to step up. I personally know a number of people that have great ideas, have in their own spheres been good governors, people that are economically sound, people that have deep industry knowledge in several areas, people that understand policies, policy developments, people of great integrity, men of valour, and women of virtue. But they don’t believe they can help, so they continue doing what they are doing, and election after election the wrong people step out, the wrong people are elected (or selected), and the country continues to rot. The rot has to stop. We are on our last legs as a Nation, and one more term with wrong people governing us has the potential to knock us off our feet. We can no longer ‘dull’ and say “next election I will do my bit”. By next election our excess crude account may be in the red, by next election our universities may be totally destroyed, by next election our healthcare may be nonexistent, by next election our nation may have fallen (deeper / further).
Yes I am saying that our candidates are not exactly Obama’s and Cameron’s, but there are candidates that are a head and shoulders above their peers. Let’s vote for these people, and let us protect our vote. I am not suggesting any violence, but let us go to all lengths to ensure the person that Nigerians elected as president is the person that will hold that position. They may not be the best but they are a start. Once we have made that start let’s work on ourselves, let’s prepare ourselves for 2015. Those of us that have something to give back to our country need to build on those skills, hone them, in the next 4 years there is enough time to do an MPA, an MBA, or whatever you think will be necessary to better your skills to hold political office. Be it even just local government. Let’s get the wrong people out and the right people in.
I’ll end with this quote from Ishola Williams (I believe): “A leader does not come from heaven, he/ she comes from a group of people, If the people are good followers, they will choose the right leaders”
Xoxo.
But on a serious note, "where will Nigerians press their hand" come April 9th? I must be honest with myself and with everyone else, the quality of our candidates is exceptionally poor, and the decision on "where to press your hand" is very difficult.
The 2011 elections are my first in Nigeria, and as such I was extremely excited about the prospects of the elections. To me it represented a chance for us to wipe the slate clean and select who we as a Nation believed could lead the country to its glory days, to the things we all dream about for Nigeria, but are yet to see realised. It gave me HOPE, that after all the rubbish we have seen in the 2 and a half years that I have lived here will come to a head in 2011 when we vote in the president that we want. However I neglected to acknowledge the fact that we can only vote in a good president, if a good president presents himself for election.
I make bold to say that though the candidates we have, offer a lot more than the candidates we have had in the past, they are still sub standard. I will give honour where honour is due, but where it is being bestowed unduly I believe we should also be cautioned.
I am not writing to chastise, and moan about our candidates, but rather to encourage the good Nigerians to step up. I personally know a number of people that have great ideas, have in their own spheres been good governors, people that are economically sound, people that have deep industry knowledge in several areas, people that understand policies, policy developments, people of great integrity, men of valour, and women of virtue. But they don’t believe they can help, so they continue doing what they are doing, and election after election the wrong people step out, the wrong people are elected (or selected), and the country continues to rot. The rot has to stop. We are on our last legs as a Nation, and one more term with wrong people governing us has the potential to knock us off our feet. We can no longer ‘dull’ and say “next election I will do my bit”. By next election our excess crude account may be in the red, by next election our universities may be totally destroyed, by next election our healthcare may be nonexistent, by next election our nation may have fallen (deeper / further).
Yes I am saying that our candidates are not exactly Obama’s and Cameron’s, but there are candidates that are a head and shoulders above their peers. Let’s vote for these people, and let us protect our vote. I am not suggesting any violence, but let us go to all lengths to ensure the person that Nigerians elected as president is the person that will hold that position. They may not be the best but they are a start. Once we have made that start let’s work on ourselves, let’s prepare ourselves for 2015. Those of us that have something to give back to our country need to build on those skills, hone them, in the next 4 years there is enough time to do an MPA, an MBA, or whatever you think will be necessary to better your skills to hold political office. Be it even just local government. Let’s get the wrong people out and the right people in.
I’ll end with this quote from Ishola Williams (I believe): “A leader does not come from heaven, he/ she comes from a group of people, If the people are good followers, they will choose the right leaders”
Xoxo.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Midnight Galivanting with Penniless Adventurers
So one of my friends had some issues with her car recently, and we were talking about how much this has really inconvenienced her, and she said: oh but surprisingly the guys have been so good about it, they pick me up if they are going out, they've just been so kind etc etc. I'm not sure if I've told her this before, but this friend is just one of those nice people that always sees not just the bright side in life but the AWESOME side. So while she sees the awesome in this, I hope there are others like me that see something very off, salmon sashimi gone green off. I shall explain...
Back in the day when my aunts were picked up by their friends, clad in winkle picker shoes and "half tops" or whatever was the vogue in that day and age, my grandfather apparently used to say to them "all this midnight gallivanting with penniless adventurers has to stop" . For as long as I have known there has always been a "penniless adventurer", when you are midnight gallivanting you are typically picked up by a male friend, family friend, cousin, as poe's dad says "intended", a guy sha..... But somewhere between 2008 and now that penniless adventurer has been taken away and us ladies have just been left with midnight gallivanting.
It is now the norm for a group of girls to go out and drive themselves, or to go out with a mixed bag of girls and boys and nobody will be shocked in any way if you drove yourself out and intend to drive yourself back at 4am. Somewhere along the line something changed, I'm not sure if we grew up or we became more independent.
When my friend was so impressed at actually being picked up by her male friends because she had car issues, it made me think, is that really something to be impressed by, or something we should (not in a cocky way) expect. Once upon a time it was unheard of that a young lady should be driving after 7 p.m., now its the reverse if she's picked up, it's like trees started growing red leaves awesome. Women may not like me for this, but I really do believe there is a certain responsibility and safety that a man carries, that women need, not just on a night out but daily, and that has been totally overlooked in the present times, and women try to do everything alone. Yes We can drive, yes we can pay for our own drinks, but the question is should we have to? I feel there is far more to it than female emancipation, independence, it also strips men of their responsibilities, responsibilities women will later complain in marriage that their husbands shun. But the reality is when we took it from them in friendship, courtship, etc, the instinct completely died and it will be hard to retrain themselves to do it again.
I know bb's must be flying, tongues must be wagging right now, but I am talking to myself too. As I type, I have just driven myself back from a late dinner / drinks. I don't like relying on other people so the ability to drive myself at night has been awesome for me, I also like to pay (or at least offer to pay, and most def ALWAYS carry "vex money") for my own drinks, food etc, so I don't seem like a "goldie" but maybe it's something I shouldn't get too comfortable doing.
Chivalry is not dead. If it is, it should be resurrected. The role of men in a society is very important, as women we shouldn't try to underplay that in our strive to be independent. You men may not like this either, but you have really "dulled" on protecting and being responsible for the females in your life. I think it's time we all STEP UP. Step up our expectations of men, Step up our respect for women.
Though its slightly after midnight on 04.03, Happy Birthday to my favourite Pisces. You know who you are. Ironically this is the one guy I know that is still baffled by women paying, and driving themselves at night.
Xoxo.
P.s. Based on comments, bb's, tweets, I see that people are mixing me up a bit. If you are not on a date with the guy, you should NOT expect him to pay, he is not Robin Hood. However driving to pick me up if you invited me out, opening doors, sleiging rats, walking on the outisde of the road, is something I expect from EVERY MAN! It may be old fashioned, but it is the least you can do.
Back in the day when my aunts were picked up by their friends, clad in winkle picker shoes and "half tops" or whatever was the vogue in that day and age, my grandfather apparently used to say to them "all this midnight gallivanting with penniless adventurers has to stop" . For as long as I have known there has always been a "penniless adventurer", when you are midnight gallivanting you are typically picked up by a male friend, family friend, cousin, as poe's dad says "intended", a guy sha..... But somewhere between 2008 and now that penniless adventurer has been taken away and us ladies have just been left with midnight gallivanting.
It is now the norm for a group of girls to go out and drive themselves, or to go out with a mixed bag of girls and boys and nobody will be shocked in any way if you drove yourself out and intend to drive yourself back at 4am. Somewhere along the line something changed, I'm not sure if we grew up or we became more independent.
When my friend was so impressed at actually being picked up by her male friends because she had car issues, it made me think, is that really something to be impressed by, or something we should (not in a cocky way) expect. Once upon a time it was unheard of that a young lady should be driving after 7 p.m., now its the reverse if she's picked up, it's like trees started growing red leaves awesome. Women may not like me for this, but I really do believe there is a certain responsibility and safety that a man carries, that women need, not just on a night out but daily, and that has been totally overlooked in the present times, and women try to do everything alone. Yes We can drive, yes we can pay for our own drinks, but the question is should we have to? I feel there is far more to it than female emancipation, independence, it also strips men of their responsibilities, responsibilities women will later complain in marriage that their husbands shun. But the reality is when we took it from them in friendship, courtship, etc, the instinct completely died and it will be hard to retrain themselves to do it again.
I know bb's must be flying, tongues must be wagging right now, but I am talking to myself too. As I type, I have just driven myself back from a late dinner / drinks. I don't like relying on other people so the ability to drive myself at night has been awesome for me, I also like to pay (or at least offer to pay, and most def ALWAYS carry "vex money") for my own drinks, food etc, so I don't seem like a "goldie" but maybe it's something I shouldn't get too comfortable doing.
Chivalry is not dead. If it is, it should be resurrected. The role of men in a society is very important, as women we shouldn't try to underplay that in our strive to be independent. You men may not like this either, but you have really "dulled" on protecting and being responsible for the females in your life. I think it's time we all STEP UP. Step up our expectations of men, Step up our respect for women.
Though its slightly after midnight on 04.03, Happy Birthday to my favourite Pisces. You know who you are. Ironically this is the one guy I know that is still baffled by women paying, and driving themselves at night.
Xoxo.
P.s. Based on comments, bb's, tweets, I see that people are mixing me up a bit. If you are not on a date with the guy, you should NOT expect him to pay, he is not Robin Hood. However driving to pick me up if you invited me out, opening doors, sleiging rats, walking on the outisde of the road, is something I expect from EVERY MAN! It may be old fashioned, but it is the least you can do.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Back on your pedestal
Every Nigerian has their own pedestal. Something they have done, they have achieved, they were born into, something that they stand on and it gives them a sense of belonging, a right to boast, it sets them above everyone else (even if it’s just in their heads). Since everyone has one though, it holds no water your just having one, the emphasis now lays on how elaborate your pedestal is, the grandeur of its design, how many grooves it has, how tall it is, how wide it is.
Why have I titled the post “back on your pedestal”? Because the same person on their high horse in Naije, is a totally different person elsewhere. This is most evident when you are flying into Lagos, the same person that stood in a queue at Heathrow Terminal 5, the same person that waited his turn, arrives at MMA and is pushing his way to the front of the immigration with his personal protocol officer, high off the stench of his self endowed entitlement and grandiose. For some reason the largeness, bigness he feels now that he is on home soil was lacking when he was ‘abroad’, he’s “Back on his pedestal”
Why is this? Are we Nigerians kidding ourselves? Are we living some kind of lie? It’s like we are actors, when we are abroad we are ourselves, when we land back in Giddi, we step into character, and begin to live out our fantasies on our pedestals that are the makings of our mind... Nigerians are just delusional!!!!!
People are throwing around comments like: “Do you know who I am”, “Do you know who my father is”, “Standing on my wallet I am the tallest person in the room” , “I earn more in a day than you ear in a year” ... I could really quote more, but I don’t want to tread on the wrong toes, but really these things are true, people do say things like this, it isn’t off the Hills, or Gossip Girl, This is Nigeria TIN. I am tempted to say that we are watching too much television, that DSTV has created a new type of Nigerian, but the truth is that we have been like this from before I was even born, it has been part of the Nigerian make up for the last 3 decades. I think the Yorubas call it “Fari” or sumfink like that.
I think most people are quite scared of how they would be viewed by their ‘mates’ if they were not perceived to be on some superior level, they think they will be laughed at if they are not met at the airport with one trillion mobile police, a pilot car, they live in fear that if they said they are sitting the night out because they can’t afford to spend hundreds of thousands on champagne that will be in their loo bowl before they go to bed people will delete them from their bb’s. Here is the ground breaking news, if that really affects your ‘friendships’, then they aint your actual friends, and they only hang out with you because they want to look good by association. (I could write a whole new post on looking good by association. So I won’t bell this cat right now.)
Get off your high horses Nigerians, you may be a bit dizzy when you first step off, but life is far more fun from down ‘ere, its a good ol’ laugh looking up and laughing at the tools galloping away on their Trojan horses, and even a bigger laugh when they realise that their horse wasn’t as pretty as it first appeared, or when they fall off.
Xoxo.
Why have I titled the post “back on your pedestal”? Because the same person on their high horse in Naije, is a totally different person elsewhere. This is most evident when you are flying into Lagos, the same person that stood in a queue at Heathrow Terminal 5, the same person that waited his turn, arrives at MMA and is pushing his way to the front of the immigration with his personal protocol officer, high off the stench of his self endowed entitlement and grandiose. For some reason the largeness, bigness he feels now that he is on home soil was lacking when he was ‘abroad’, he’s “Back on his pedestal”
Why is this? Are we Nigerians kidding ourselves? Are we living some kind of lie? It’s like we are actors, when we are abroad we are ourselves, when we land back in Giddi, we step into character, and begin to live out our fantasies on our pedestals that are the makings of our mind... Nigerians are just delusional!!!!!
People are throwing around comments like: “Do you know who I am”, “Do you know who my father is”, “Standing on my wallet I am the tallest person in the room” , “I earn more in a day than you ear in a year” ... I could really quote more, but I don’t want to tread on the wrong toes, but really these things are true, people do say things like this, it isn’t off the Hills, or Gossip Girl, This is Nigeria TIN. I am tempted to say that we are watching too much television, that DSTV has created a new type of Nigerian, but the truth is that we have been like this from before I was even born, it has been part of the Nigerian make up for the last 3 decades. I think the Yorubas call it “Fari” or sumfink like that.
I think most people are quite scared of how they would be viewed by their ‘mates’ if they were not perceived to be on some superior level, they think they will be laughed at if they are not met at the airport with one trillion mobile police, a pilot car, they live in fear that if they said they are sitting the night out because they can’t afford to spend hundreds of thousands on champagne that will be in their loo bowl before they go to bed people will delete them from their bb’s. Here is the ground breaking news, if that really affects your ‘friendships’, then they aint your actual friends, and they only hang out with you because they want to look good by association. (I could write a whole new post on looking good by association. So I won’t bell this cat right now.)
Get off your high horses Nigerians, you may be a bit dizzy when you first step off, but life is far more fun from down ‘ere, its a good ol’ laugh looking up and laughing at the tools galloping away on their Trojan horses, and even a bigger laugh when they realise that their horse wasn’t as pretty as it first appeared, or when they fall off.
Xoxo.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Little Things
I have never been so happy to land at MMA before, not even the power high immigration guy could sober my state of happiness when I arrived. Long periods of time away from Lagos make you realise just how awesome this place is. Even in hamattan temperatures never drop below 20 degrees centigrade, Nigerians are always full of life, and there is something ridiculously calming about the chaos, something that makes you feel alive. I guess I have always been a city girl: quiet, calm, and order, have never been my thing, I need to hear noise and buzz outside my window...So call me weird but I mizzzzzed Lagos while I was away. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is most definitely here.
Yes for the first week and a half I was over the moon, to be out of this crazy country, not to think about NEPA coming or going, no need for crazy displays of my “fab” driving skills, no bad attitudes, good conversations, endless sushi (I ate sushi every day for 1 week, then realised I was in danger of mercury poisoning so I stopped), I could wear what I wanted without being quoted policies, and fresh cool breeze was blowing my face. After a while though, that became tired, it was great while it lasted but there was just a lack of life to it, it was a little ‘bland’, for lack of a better word. (This is about the States, my few days in London was great, I didn’t want to leave)
But (I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with that mum), but.... The one thing that I loved about the rest of the world was how people go out of their way to do and say little things that make a huge impact, and I think that is something that we take for granted, overlook, perhaps we even just forget with the chaos of our Lagos lives, to go out of our way for our friends, our family and all those other people we care about. I’m quite an emotional person, so people may argue that I am not the best person to be writing on this topic, because I will inevitably get too sensitive. Nevertheless, I shall press on.
I really do believe a nice kind gesture can make such a difference in someone’s life. You just never know the person you hugged, or the person you told “You look beautiful today” could have had the worst ever day, maybe even contemplated running under a molue (don’t know how that is spelt, but I mean one of those mega big yellow and black stripped busses, basically a genetically modified tagzzzzi), and your kind words may have reminded them that there is a reason to continue living.
On my last day in the Chi, I was in such a rush to just get out of that place, get to the airport, get on my flight, and go to London. Maybe that was the eager, fast paced, full of buzz Nigerian in me. After I stuffed a couple of chips in my gob (literally stuffed them in, because eating was just superfluous to my objective of getting the heck out of that place), I ran to the coaches that had been organised to ship people to the airport, I did not pass go, I did not collect $200, I just left. I didn’t stop to say goodbye to my friends / colleagues, myself and Lols just left. In all fairness I sent goodbye texts, and made goodbye calls from the coach. But the one thing I don’t think I will EVER forget in my whole life, because it was such a kind gesture, and I guess having lived in Lagos for 2 and a half years, it was something I just never expected, and if I am 100% truthful with myself, it’s not something I would have naturally done for someone else. One of my colleagues and friend, K.I. came ALLLLL the way to our terminal at the airport to say goodbye to Lols and I, since we didn’t stay to say goodbye.
That was not the most grand of gestures, It’s not like he rented a private jet and flew halfway across the world to say goodbye, but the point is that it’s always THE LITTLE THINGS in life that make the hugest impact. Like I said it is not something I would do naturally, on a normal day I probably would have said bye before I left, but if I didn’t it won’t be the first thing I think to do, but sometimes we just have to go out of our way to do nice things, say nice things to our friends and our family, because it is impossible to tell the minds construction in the face, you have to say what you think, and go out of your way to show people that you care. It will be extremely difficult because of our environment, its fast pace, but it will totally be worth it to the person you are kind to.
Xoxo.
p.s. – I know, I know I have slacked A LOT with blogging, and I won’t even try to make excuses for myself, because I write all the time, I just never really post the posts. I promise to be on better form from here on in, and if I don’t trust I will be cautioned, as I have been over the last few weeks.
Yes for the first week and a half I was over the moon, to be out of this crazy country, not to think about NEPA coming or going, no need for crazy displays of my “fab” driving skills, no bad attitudes, good conversations, endless sushi (I ate sushi every day for 1 week, then realised I was in danger of mercury poisoning so I stopped), I could wear what I wanted without being quoted policies, and fresh cool breeze was blowing my face. After a while though, that became tired, it was great while it lasted but there was just a lack of life to it, it was a little ‘bland’, for lack of a better word. (This is about the States, my few days in London was great, I didn’t want to leave)
But (I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with that mum), but.... The one thing that I loved about the rest of the world was how people go out of their way to do and say little things that make a huge impact, and I think that is something that we take for granted, overlook, perhaps we even just forget with the chaos of our Lagos lives, to go out of our way for our friends, our family and all those other people we care about. I’m quite an emotional person, so people may argue that I am not the best person to be writing on this topic, because I will inevitably get too sensitive. Nevertheless, I shall press on.
I really do believe a nice kind gesture can make such a difference in someone’s life. You just never know the person you hugged, or the person you told “You look beautiful today” could have had the worst ever day, maybe even contemplated running under a molue (don’t know how that is spelt, but I mean one of those mega big yellow and black stripped busses, basically a genetically modified tagzzzzi), and your kind words may have reminded them that there is a reason to continue living.
On my last day in the Chi, I was in such a rush to just get out of that place, get to the airport, get on my flight, and go to London. Maybe that was the eager, fast paced, full of buzz Nigerian in me. After I stuffed a couple of chips in my gob (literally stuffed them in, because eating was just superfluous to my objective of getting the heck out of that place), I ran to the coaches that had been organised to ship people to the airport, I did not pass go, I did not collect $200, I just left. I didn’t stop to say goodbye to my friends / colleagues, myself and Lols just left. In all fairness I sent goodbye texts, and made goodbye calls from the coach. But the one thing I don’t think I will EVER forget in my whole life, because it was such a kind gesture, and I guess having lived in Lagos for 2 and a half years, it was something I just never expected, and if I am 100% truthful with myself, it’s not something I would have naturally done for someone else. One of my colleagues and friend, K.I. came ALLLLL the way to our terminal at the airport to say goodbye to Lols and I, since we didn’t stay to say goodbye.
That was not the most grand of gestures, It’s not like he rented a private jet and flew halfway across the world to say goodbye, but the point is that it’s always THE LITTLE THINGS in life that make the hugest impact. Like I said it is not something I would do naturally, on a normal day I probably would have said bye before I left, but if I didn’t it won’t be the first thing I think to do, but sometimes we just have to go out of our way to do nice things, say nice things to our friends and our family, because it is impossible to tell the minds construction in the face, you have to say what you think, and go out of your way to show people that you care. It will be extremely difficult because of our environment, its fast pace, but it will totally be worth it to the person you are kind to.
Xoxo.
p.s. – I know, I know I have slacked A LOT with blogging, and I won’t even try to make excuses for myself, because I write all the time, I just never really post the posts. I promise to be on better form from here on in, and if I don’t trust I will be cautioned, as I have been over the last few weeks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)