Broken People

A lot of Nigerians find it quite strange that ‘oyinbos’ have childcare lines that children can call to report their parents when they smack them. Whilst I believe that there is nothing wrong with a little smack for disciplinary purposes, I believe that this service is completely necessary. The truth is that some parents really do take the beatings over the top, the beatings becomes sadistic, a display of power, some parents sexually abuse their children, in Nigeria there is the added dimension of domestic help with a lot of access and exposure to kids – drivers, cooks, guards, house boys and house girls abuse children every day without being noticed. Some children grow up with severe neglect, they may be financially looked after, but their parents spend little more than a minute with them a month. Husbands beat their wives, in many cases women beat their husbands. Some people have turned to drugs, not just for recreation, but to blur the pain of a daily struggle – loneliness, a stammer, a limp. Human trafficking and kidnapping are rife in our society, some people self harm in reaction to severe self confidence issues. I am not sure how many Nigerians have eating disorders sha, we love our amala and gbegiri too much to start throwing it up after eating. The point I am trying to make is that these things are so close to home, they don’t just happen abroad, they happen at our doorstep. Behind the sharp suits, fancy bags, high heels, and big smiles are BROKEN people.

People walk around with all manner and kind of emotional scars, without any outlet, or support system. I do not mean in any way to disrespect the church (or other religious institutions), but Nigerians believe that we can just take the emotionally scarred child to church for prayers and sweep the issue of their rape or physical abuse under the table. While I believe that God can heal hurts, pains and bad memories, there is still a gaping hole in our society where we need pastoral care, counselling, someone to listen to what hurts, to offer a shoulder to cry on, a hug, to rehabilitate them before throwing them back into the dog eat dog world.

However much we try to overlook it, emotional scars shape people and shape their futures. A child that was beaten constantly will grow up to be a serial killer, sadistically trying to inflict the same pain he endured as a child on his victims. A child that grew up to his father constantly beating his mother will inevitably beat his wife, or disrespect women. A young woman who was kidnapped may grow up not to trust anyone, and be constantly paranoid. All these things can be avoided if we stopped avoiding the issues and shoving them on God, and we started talking about them and offering emotional support.

Sorry to be so sullen today, but its “the decor of my mind” and ‘Broken People’ have been on my mind.

Xoxo.

p.s. On a lighter note though, thanks a lot to Oz and Michael for their banner designs. Much love.